petite anglaise

June 12, 2006


Filed under: good time girl, single life — petiteanglaiseparis @ 9:50 pm

Thursday – “The Stripper Who Came to Tea”

The doorbell rings, and Tadpole shrieks with delight, always ridiculously pleased to welcome a new visitor. At the door, an elfin slip of a girl with a rucksack twice her own body weight. And a laptop bag. Definitely a blogger. Hot, slightly flustered: it’s Mimi in Paris!

We eat. We drink. We wait impatiently for another blogging friend to arrive bearing multiple bottles of champagne. The conversation veers from the banal, to the satisfyingly crude, and back again, with many shades in between. Utterly fascinating.

Afterwards, I was thoroughly pleased with myself for having thrown caution and convention to the wind, by welcoming yet another online acquaintance into my offline life, letting my gut feeling guide me, poo pooing my mother’s objections on the telephone.

Mum: “A stripper? Will Tadpole be with you?”

Me: “Mum, she’s an Oxbridge graduate stripper, and anyway, she’s hardly going to teach Tadople how to hang upside down on a pole while my back is turned for five minutes, is she? And even if she did,” I add mischievously, “I’ve always thought children should be made to earn their keep…”

My only cause for disappointment, on this particular occasion, was that I couldn’t entreat Mimi and her sister Piu Piu to stay on in Paris until Saturday, the night of my upcoming party.

Because no party is complete without a stripper…

Friday – “proceed to checkout”

Mr Frog calls from the airport to say that he has landed on time, and will be able to take Tadpole for the evening after all. It is Friday night, and due to his previous uncertainty, I have made no firm plans for the evening. I resign myself to a night in, catching up on “Grey’s Anatomy”, my latest addiction, and trying not to think about the boy who wants to be friends without the addition of inverted commas.

A friendly little message arrives on meetic chat, out of the blue. In English, which is very refreshing indeed, as participating in chat, in French, on meetic, is comparable to having your fingernails slowly pulled one by one.

A little light-hearted banter ensues and before I know it, I have agreed to go out for a drink that very same evening. I will draw a veil of mystery over what happened next, but suffice to say that there were mojitos. Many mojitos. And a hasty “walk of shame” come Saturday morning, just in time to attend a fête with Mr Frog and Tadpole at her future playschool.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Saturday – “throwing quails’ eggs at parked cars” or “does my bum look big in this age 3-4 fairy outfit”

It is 3pm. I am immersed in a cool bath, having just taken 2 nurofen tablets, and am massaging my throbbing temples to no avail. In my kitchen there is a forest of mint, a dozen or so limes, and a large bottle of rum. Because, of course, the plan had been to make a vat of mojitos for my party. And now, quite frankly, I wouldn’t be sorry if I never have to smell another mojito as long as I shall live.

Bad planning.

Thankfully, by 9pm, when the guests begin to arrive, I have perked up considerably. The apartment is however like a furnace, on account of the rather too clement weather we have been having, so we all repair to the balcony at regular intervals to admire the view and cool off.

“Look at my gorgeous view – it’s my masthead image!” I cry.

This elicits blank looks from most people, bloggers included, and I realise that the mojitos are causing me to speak in tongues. And apparently no-one else present speaks xhtml or css.

5.30 am. Only the hardcore remain, including nardac and steve, elmer and chris. I don’t remember clearly what possessed us to fetch all of Tadpole’s headgear from her toybox, but everyone seems to share my enthusiasm for donning reindeer antlers, bunny ears, elephant and monkey masks and sparkly tiaras. Elmer in particular looks very fetching in Tadpole’s fairy outfit, complete with wand.

We throw quails eggs – which no-one seemed to want to eat, and why would they? – at parked cars, and pose for a series of deeply unflattering photographs.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Monday: still tired. Wondering if I will be able to afford rehab if things get too much. Slightly apprehensive about the prospect of a sweltering day at Disneyland Parc tomorrow for Tadpole’s belated birthday celebration.

But every time I think of my weekend, I have to stifle a delighted giggle.

Thank god for the internet.


  1. Tadpole will love to read these stories about the interesting people mummy had to tea when she grows up!

    I keep chickening out of blogger met ups in my region – but you are encouraging me to make an effort and meet some people before too long!

    Comment by Kingston Girl — June 12, 2006 @ 10:34 pm

  2. Fantastic. That’s what I like. I can feel that spark in you again!

    Comment by Ben — June 12, 2006 @ 10:49 pm

  3. Petite, good to see you sound cheerful and bright.
    You have a lot to be happy about and blogging is-rehad enough me thinks!!!

    Comment by Cosi Fan Tutte — June 12, 2006 @ 10:50 pm

  4. I think you’re very, brave. x

    Comment by fjl — June 12, 2006 @ 11:19 pm

  5. Thank goodness for the internet indeed.

    Comment by chantel — June 12, 2006 @ 11:25 pm

  6. It sounds like you had an amazing weekend. It’s about time you let lose and had some fun. :D

    Btw, I’ve done the “walk of shame” more times than I’d care to admit. For some reason, I always feel like everyone knows, even though it’s usually so early in the morning that there is no one around. I guess I need to get over my provincial-ness.

    Comment by Anias Nin — June 12, 2006 @ 11:39 pm

  7. “deeply unflattering photographs”?? I rather fancied myself as the new Mario Testino… Back to the day job then… ;D

    Comment by rhino75 — June 13, 2006 @ 12:02 am

  8. We used to throw plain old chicken eggs from the apartments where I grew up in the Bronx…….It takes a great deal of skill to aim a chicken egg from 33 floors up, and hit it squarely on a police car windshield……..and this is without mojitos in our system.

    You sound well……….

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — June 13, 2006 @ 12:11 am

  9. Totally off the point of today’s post, but wasn’t there talk of buying a flat, of a loan that had been approved? Did that change, and did I miss a post somewhere along the line?

    Comment by Passante — June 13, 2006 @ 12:19 am

  10. Yay for drinking and fun parties and staying up late. As a pregnant chick, I live vicariously through this sort of thing.

    (But what I really wanted to say is that I think you are the only blog I read where the commenters psychoanalyze blogger’s every mental twist and turn in each post, big or small….and I think you should find it both flattering–most of us don’t offer up nuthin’ to analyze–and kinda’ irritating…or at least rather confusing.)

    Comment by Sarah — June 13, 2006 @ 1:18 am

  11. I’m just baffled how fast you seem to recover from heartbreaks. I personnaly need months, if not years, to get over an ended love story.

    That’s a real strength you have …

    Comment by Yogi — June 13, 2006 @ 1:21 am

  12. Sounds like a French “Sex in the City” weekend to me! Excellent! And what exactly is in a “mojito”?

    Comment by The Bold Soul — June 13, 2006 @ 4:43 am

  13. u r hilarious. Encore!

    Comment by eric — June 13, 2006 @ 5:43 am

  14. What is a mojito?

    Let’s just say that I poured a litre of rum into mine, and found there was little space in the bowl for the mixers with which I wanted to dilute it (quandry: soda water doesn’t exist in France, so a mix of lemonade and perrier needed in this instance)

    I won’t be here to moderate comments until late this afternoon folks, so be patient! I have a hot date with Mickey Mouse.

    Comment by petite — June 13, 2006 @ 8:45 am

  15. Mojitos are the best things ever. Altho they *do* seem to be a common source of trouble among my crowd . . . .

    Comment by emily — June 13, 2006 @ 9:00 am

  16. In Australia (yes, I realise it’s probably worldwide marketing but anyway) there is an ad for Motorola mobile phones – it’s tag line is “hello moto”. I went out one evening and being the lightweight that I am consumed a few mojitos at a cocktail bar and spent the rest of the evening saying “hello mojito”. I thought it was very funny.

    Never had another mojito might I add.

    Comment by Kasey — June 13, 2006 @ 9:22 am

  17. You might not realise it, but you’re lucky to have meetic. I’ve just split up with the love of my life (the bastard) and could really do with going on a couple of dates, but its a bloody man desert here.

    Comment by rachie — June 13, 2006 @ 9:38 am

  18. Petite please please don’t fall for that one, I mean the “boy who just wants to be friends without the inverted commas”. You won’t find reference to him in Grey’s Anatomy, but you’ve got one cute hoor on your hands there. The “nice boy who just wanted to be friends without the inverted commas” is a carefully construed and very effective male courting strategy. The very mention of it brings a tired smile to my face.
    Before you know it, he’ll be wanting to lie down beside you just to hold you, out of pure affection of course.
    In his underpants.

    Comment by Trevor — June 13, 2006 @ 10:05 am

  19. Your exploits make me realise how I wasted my youth being TOO sober. Nowadays I can’t hold very much alcohol without suffering all night from heartburn etc.
    It’s great to hear you can make the most of motherhood whilst having a wonderful time as a single girl as well.
    One day you’ll meet Mr. Right and settle down but what’s the rush?

    Comment by Sablonneuse — June 13, 2006 @ 10:42 am

  20. Would LOVE to see those photographS!

    Comment by northerncreative — June 13, 2006 @ 11:11 am

  21. I agree with Sarah! Not my descision, but…please just chat and not analyse. All the pointless analysis is a little creepy…(!) I’ve often wondered how Petite manages never to be offended by it.
    This is 2006. People talk on the web, believe it or not. It’s no big deal.

    Comment by fjl — June 13, 2006 @ 11:11 am

  22. I second Steve on that “deeply unflattering” bit. I looked great. Of course Steve looked better. Stop talking about yourself all the time! ;p

    Comment by nardac — June 13, 2006 @ 11:55 am

  23. Mojitos = the nicest drink in the world. The combination of sugar and booze is a winning one.

    Petite – you look a little like Nicky Hambleton-Jones in Steves photos!

    Not sure if you get Ten Years Younger in France though, so you may not understand what I’m wittering on about.

    Hope you’ve had a nice day with Mickey et al!

    Comment by hmmm — June 13, 2006 @ 12:39 pm

  24. So, does it mean that every blogger walks with a computer when he/she travels?
    Well, that might actually be true… I hate going on holidays if I cannot blog from there.

    Comment by Bibil — June 13, 2006 @ 1:15 pm

  25. Yogi: be patient time will come to party !
    Your recipe for Mojito gives a useful hindsight!

    Comment by Thomas — June 13, 2006 @ 1:55 pm

  26. Sorry, didn’t mean that to sound so grumpy ( above) just noticed it was getting a tad obsessive…that’s all :-)

    Comment by fjl — June 13, 2006 @ 2:14 pm

  27. Love the post Petite! Somehow the best of nights always seem to end off with a round of “dress up”—the goofier the outfits the better!

    It is amazing how blogging can bring so many people together! Did you ever imagine your blog would change your life in so many ways? Can you imagine a life, one day, without the blog?

    Comment by Just Dazzle — June 13, 2006 @ 3:53 pm

  28. Another reason I would love to move to Paris – the parties sound so interesting. Quail eggs from the balcony, oh my.

    Comment by joeinvegas — June 13, 2006 @ 4:20 pm

  29. Hmm, Yogi, is there implied criticism underneath that “compliment”?

    Comment by Passante — June 13, 2006 @ 4:43 pm

  30. yes, petite, what is going on with your new apartment?

    I love reading your blog, and I don’t blame you a bit for moderating the comments. It must get tiresome after awhile when you log in and have to read those posts that psychoanalyze your every decision.

    Sounds like life is fun again!

    Comment by Elle — June 13, 2006 @ 4:46 pm

  31. Ahhh the sins of summer!

    Comment by Holly — June 13, 2006 @ 5:19 pm

  32. you forgot to mention the part when a meetic couple decided to mess around with your profile and had sex on your bed.
    um, no, I mean, we just played with the computer :) (I swear)

    Comment by maitresse — June 13, 2006 @ 6:02 pm

  33. I have to say that Disney was the thing that took the most out of me, more than the mojitos. I have horrible music playing on a loop in my head and all I want is to go to bed (and to turn the weather off) right now…

    But, funny thing, Tadpole got a book for her birthday – “The Tiger who Came to Tea”…

    Comment by petite — June 13, 2006 @ 6:57 pm

  34. Petite, you make a mean mojito, that’s for sure.

    I can imagine Disneyland must have been exhausting today, especially in this heat

    Comment by thefrenchpage — June 13, 2006 @ 7:11 pm

  35. If you’re ever desperate for a babysitter, I know the job well, and will work in exchange for mojitos.

    You sound like an amazing mother and this little girl’s going to grow up well with an open minded woman like yourself.

    Comment by Gillian — June 13, 2006 @ 7:46 pm

  36. mmm, well, this amazing mother just dozed on the sofa for an hour while Tadpole watched eight episodes of Noddy. I don’t know how she kept going today in this heat, I am virtually comatose…

    Comment by petite — June 13, 2006 @ 8:03 pm

  37. Aaah, now that’s reassuring! Nothing like a good dose of video to calm ’em down…my lot (7,5,3) won’t watch anything but Harry Potter these days; fine by me! ;)

    Comment by Lucy-Jane — June 13, 2006 @ 9:00 pm

  38. I have just spent the last few days reading your blog from start! I love the way you write. I think once you have found the real HIM you should put all your posts into a book.
    Last night I had a dinner party and everyone ended up wearing wigs from my collection. No, I’m not bald, just happen to have a few wigs!

    Comment by nicki — June 13, 2006 @ 9:48 pm

  39. I agree with Trevor. Guys go to great lengths to make it seem they are not interested. Men are always interested. I will repeat that: Men are always interested. As Jeff said on Coupling (the British version) “If women suddenly found out about the kind of stuff that goes on in our heads, they’d kill us all on the spot.”

    Comment by Ben — June 13, 2006 @ 10:49 pm

  40. Oh, sorry, that may have been too ambiguous, but I was talking about the one that was slightly more than friends (which we called “friends”, and is no longer. From the previous post.

    But I’m over it now, honest. There are currently many other distractions.

    Comment by petite — June 13, 2006 @ 11:39 pm

  41. hmmm, I’ve been thinking the same thing re. Nicky H-J for some time now! I imagine petite to look just like her, though without the frosty schoolmarmish persona.

    I’m not entirely sure this is a flattering comparison though.

    Comment by Paola — June 14, 2006 @ 1:41 am

  42. I’m not sure I agree – just because a girl wears glasses, she invariably gets compared to people with similar glasses…

    Comment by petite — June 14, 2006 @ 8:52 am

  43. the party looked like fun, with a roarrrring nardac…

    Comment by schuey — June 14, 2006 @ 2:22 pm

  44. northerncreative:try clicking the steve link
    lucy-jane: gave me nightmares, especially as next doors tree was tapping boys room in the wind _ “mum the dementors are coming”! Cool kids though.

    Comment by J — June 14, 2006 @ 8:58 pm

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