petite anglaise

April 22, 2006

clamped

Filed under: Tadpole rearing — bipolarinparis @ 7:00 pm

The air hostess motions us to a different seat, as our fellow passengers have unanimously ignored the allocations clearly marked on their tickets, with the result that mine and Tadpole’s have already been taken.

There is a ripple of laughter at my wake. Tadpole, whom I imagined to be trotting obediently behind me, has found a bearded surrogate grandad she likes the look of, seated herself by his side, much to his amusement, and is now engrossed in fastening her seatbelt.

I hasten to retrieve her, somewhat red-faced, and plonk her unceremoniously onto the window seat.

“Mummy?”

“Yees?”

“Can you hear my wee wee?”

I note her glassy eyed expression, one which I am familiar with, as our family bathroom had mirror tiles on the back of the bathroom door. Tadpole and I may not look alike, but sometimes, fleetingly, I see one of my own smirks or grimaces play across her face.

A shadow falls over us: a businessman is examining his ticket with a puzzled air. I look up, prepare to explain, wearily, that the entire aircraft has been subjected to an impromptu game of musical chairs.

I am, however, struck dumb by Tadpole’s next move.

“Mummy! Mummy!” she exclaims, painful, clamping fingers grabbing the front of my t-shirt. “Look! I found your nipples! They all pointy!”

I cast around for the button which will trigger my ejector seat.

In vain.

155 Comments

  1. Ah, out of the mouths of babes…

    Comment by Alison — April 22, 2006 @ 7:25 pm

  2. oh, my.

    Comment by franko — April 22, 2006 @ 7:25 pm

  3. Alison got there first… What the guy’s reaction to that one? I bet he wasn’t bothered about the musical chairs too much after that!

    Comment by Greenmantle — April 22, 2006 @ 7:37 pm

  4. Oh My God… that while I am sure painful for you… is hysterical to me :)
    Thanks for the giggles

    Comment by stinkerbell — April 22, 2006 @ 7:45 pm

  5. Wow, that’s hilarious.

    The things that kids say…

    Comment by juliana — April 22, 2006 @ 7:53 pm

  6. Fantastic blog! I am visiting you from Vancouver, BC…and might be moving to your wonderful city at some point. Bonjour, and I will be back for a peek into your life with the tadpole from time to time!

    Comment by Tamara — April 22, 2006 @ 9:07 pm

  7. Ah dear… You can’t help but love them, but lord, some days…

    Comment by BoyOnTop — April 22, 2006 @ 9:59 pm

  8. One of those “please, God, let the Earth open up right here, right now, and swallow me whole” moments that probably make you sorry you ever taught her to speak.

    Would it have sounded better if she’d said it in French?

    Comment by The Bold Soul — April 22, 2006 @ 10:04 pm

  9. i guess this is why some animals eat their young!

    Comment by Holly — April 22, 2006 @ 10:07 pm

  10. Oh my God! The ubelieveable honesty of children! You can tell that in 20 years and you both will have a good laugh!

    Comment by carra — April 22, 2006 @ 10:57 pm

  11. Oh my gawd!!!!!!

    Comment by suze — April 23, 2006 @ 12:10 am

  12. Comme le disait Jacques Martin “Les enfants sont formidables!”Enfant j’avais l’habitude de dire “J’ai fais les couilles avec maman” au lieu de “J’ai fais les courses avec maman” Anyway!as you say de l’autre côté du Channel.

    Comment by the stuff the dreams are made of — April 23, 2006 @ 1:09 am

  13. Bless. . .

    Comment by Nicole — April 23, 2006 @ 1:40 am

  14. “i guess this is why some animals eat their young!”

    Dammit! That’s my line!!! ;-)

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 23, 2006 @ 2:07 am

  15. You couldn’t find a way to check Tadpole as luggage, huh? ;-)

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 23, 2006 @ 2:10 am

  16. Hmmm, I wonder if you tell her years down the road what she did if she’ll think you made it up, or embellishing something she did….A good reaction from you? – nothing maybe (if you can stand the pain-ack!) Hope the trip is/was good tho’!

    Comment by Terry — April 23, 2006 @ 4:08 am

  17. Kids, you’ve got to love them! Given there was no discipline in the seating, this must have been on an Air France domestic flight!

    Comment by Lost in France — April 23, 2006 @ 10:14 am

  18. Aww… bless her!
    Remind me not to travel with a toddler any time soon.

    Comment by Une Fille — April 23, 2006 @ 10:48 am

  19. Serve them right in business class! If they’d ceremoniously make way for single parents, this simply wouldn’t happen would it? I always feel tadpole is mor intuitive than others. ( Apart for mine, of course.) xx

    Comment by fjl — April 23, 2006 @ 2:04 pm

  20. I wonder how many blokes that heard Tadpoles comments, immediately had eyes like magnets.

    Comment by Theblonde — April 23, 2006 @ 2:28 pm

  21. That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time….as your first commentor said…”Out of the mouth of babes”!!!

    Comment by Madame Chiang — April 23, 2006 @ 3:03 pm

  22. Oh man. That’s hilarious. I love those moments. They are what make kids so much fun.

    Comment by Melanie — April 23, 2006 @ 3:46 pm

  23. Oh dear god!!!!

    My daughter did similar things, mostly to her dad … I had to read this post to my Belgian guy though, giggling and horrified on your behalf.

    On the bright side … wait till her wedding and be sure to be one of the speechmakers … ;)

    Comment by Di — April 23, 2006 @ 7:27 pm

  24. absolute horror and panic. I’ve had my girls point out the embarrassing in public before. I feel you completely.

    Comment by Gruntled — April 23, 2006 @ 8:05 pm

  25. I hope you had a witty comeback, and that you weren’t being watched by TOO many people on the plane :)

    Comment by the english guy — April 23, 2006 @ 9:51 pm

  26. At least she said pointy not saggy :-)))

    Comment by Maurine au bout du monde — April 23, 2006 @ 10:21 pm

  27. Very funny :) I assume the businessman was an English speaker, though maybe I underestimate the English skills of French businessmen… and I guess the grabbing the shirt part could be embarrassing enough on it’s own!

    Comment by O. — April 23, 2006 @ 10:44 pm

  28. So that’s the strange smell that I can’t put a name to whenever I travel by plane!
    My mum told me that I once wee-ed (past tense of “to wee” anyone?” through a wicker chair which gave a collander-like quality to my production. I was three years old I hasten to add and never really believed her until I read your post. Definitely save it until she can read and then show it to her first boyfriend!

    Comment by Paris Lights — April 23, 2006 @ 10:49 pm

  29. OK I know I need to learn where the brackets are on my keyboard….sorry…

    Comment by Paris Lights — April 23, 2006 @ 10:49 pm

  30. well I guess she said what others saw…thick sweatshirts would cover such points, but then you would miss the fun of Tadpole! the joys of motherhood! when my son was tadpole’s age he once exclaimed when he saw a very fat man, “Look Mommy that man has a baby in his tummy and a baby in his bottom too!”

    Comment by tongue in cheek — April 23, 2006 @ 11:07 pm

  31. I now realise what the picture is of!

    Comment by Hywel Mallett — April 24, 2006 @ 12:28 am

  32. If it makes you feel any better, my son asked me today, “You don’t have a penis, do you?”

    At a street fair.

    In a crowd.

    I immediately hoped that the greasy fair food would strike me down with heart failure.

    Comment by 21st Century Woman — April 24, 2006 @ 2:12 am

  33. Perhaps Hywel could enlighten me as to what the picture is…because I have absolutely no idea what they are. Well, I guess I have a hunch that they involve nipples.

    Comment by 21st Century Woman — April 24, 2006 @ 2:20 am

  34. Wait, photo + title of post = realization.

    Eep!

    Comment by 21st Century Woman — April 24, 2006 @ 2:21 am

  35. Gulp! You wouldn’t know it from the weather here in England yet, but reading the last few posts has convinced me, it must be Springtime!!

    Comment by Tom Tyler — April 24, 2006 @ 6:50 am

  36. grown-up talk

    Comment by Trevor — April 24, 2006 @ 9:37 am

  37. <tangent> I have a friend with a ticket to the upcoming Paris arctic monkeys concert to sell – they are playing the Bataclan in Paris on 2 May at 19.30 and the ticket cost is €25. Please drop me a line to the usual address if you are interested.

    (I will also be there.)

    </tangent>

    Comment by petite — April 24, 2006 @ 9:40 am

  38. You’ll be beating them off with sticks, petite

    Comment by Flighty — April 24, 2006 @ 10:03 am

  39. Who’s “tangent”?

    Comment by Trevor — April 24, 2006 @ 10:07 am

  40. sorry, that was horribly geeky and bloggery of me to use html speak/punctuation

    means “tangent starts here” then “tangent ends here”

    Comment by petite — April 24, 2006 @ 10:45 am

  41. Whatever. I suggested a cup of tea, but “the
    Arctic Monkeys” is one hell of a leap.

    Comment by Trevor — April 24, 2006 @ 10:51 am

  42. Arctic monkeys ROCK. Saw them when they played in a small club in Sunderland If he’s anything like a normal bloke then he didn’t need any assistance in locating pointy nipples, we have a sixth sense for this kind of thing you see.

    Comment by Lee — April 24, 2006 @ 1:47 pm

  43. god, does no-one want these tickets? As an extra enticement – Jim in Rennes will be there too. There may be drama and fireworks.

    Or not.

    Roll up!

    Comment by petite — April 24, 2006 @ 2:54 pm

  44. I’d love to go to the concert but my finances are low and I am something like 800 km from Paris pitty.. I would go there just to meet you in person!

    Comment by carra — April 24, 2006 @ 3:49 pm

  45. artic monkeys. schmartic spunkeys. I thought that Jim guy was old?

    As a side note, I went to Paris for the day on saturday, but unfortunately had a severe case of food poisoning, so if anyone saw me throwing up behind a disued portacabin, i can only apologise. My other choice was in the Seine. Trevor would never do such a thing.

    Comment by Hmmm — April 24, 2006 @ 3:49 pm

  46. What me? OK sure thing. Great. Do we know each other?

    Comment by Tangent — April 24, 2006 @ 4:06 pm

  47. Oh Petite, I have been there. Well, maybe not exactly, but had those types of moments.hours. I’m pretty sure the businessman would be happy to take another seat once he realized that Tadpole had dampened it!
    I have a 3.5 year old, and almost 2 year year old. Why do they love to talk about body parts in public? (-:

    Comment by Amy — April 24, 2006 @ 4:34 pm

  48. Old? What’s “old” have to do with it, eh?
    Though I guess since I don’t yet know who the Arctic Monkeys are, that might mark me as “old” right there. Or hopelessly débranché.
    My keenest wish is to find a good day for an overnighter at the Bario Latino sometime next week. I suppose that’s miles away from Arctic Monkey-land.

    Cheers, — Phil

    Comment by Phil — April 24, 2006 @ 8:17 pm

  49. I have just found out I’m pregnant, I had a chat with my four year old and told her that I have a “seed” in my tummy and that if all goes well it will become a baby…here is an extract of the conversation that followed:
    her: “did papa give you a seed to put in your tummy when you had a cuddle?”
    me : yes…
    h: “when?”
    me: euh, a little while ago…
    h: “yes but when? because I never saw”
    me: well thats normal, its private between adults…
    her: “oh. and when papa gave you the seed, did you eat it?”
    me: “how about we make fairy cakes my love?”

    Comment by croque madame — April 24, 2006 @ 9:39 pm

  50. Can’t believe that you can’t shift the Arctic Monkey ticket(s). When they played here in Sunny Bournemouth ‘pon Sea a few weeks ago the queues tailed back from the box office for hours until they were all sold out and many once hopefuls trudged home empty handed and disappointed.

    Comment by Miss Nomer — April 25, 2006 @ 12:26 am

  51. “her: “oh. and when papa gave you the seed, did you eat it?””

    Okay……….yes this is funny…….and now for the rude, crude, and socially unacceptable response….

    “yes, and momma now has new jewlery………”

    Sorry, couldn’t resist………….;-)

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 25, 2006 @ 12:46 am

  52. I hope someone takes you up on the tickets…a bit too far for me. But we absolutely request (demand?) a post about the time with Jim in Rennes!

    Comment by NicoleH — April 25, 2006 @ 12:47 am

  53. Our still-nursing two year-old is really into the word “nipple” these days. We’ve got a long flight coming up next month, and I can only imagine what he has in store for me. Let us know if you find the ejector button. I think I’m going to need it…

    Comment by She — April 25, 2006 @ 10:06 am

  54. Dave of the lake – Actually I quietly answered “not all of it” as her dad was sitting near by and I thought he might appreciate that answer more…

    she never heard so I came up with the cupcakes question when she asked me to repeat what I’d just said…

    petite, they get even more fun as they get bigger but their voices also get louder and the vocabulary richer..

    Comment by croque madame — April 25, 2006 @ 2:00 pm

  55. “Dave of the lake – Actually I quietly answered “not all of it” as her dad was sitting near by and I thought he might appreciate that answer more…”

    ROFLMAO!!!!!

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 25, 2006 @ 4:59 pm

  56. Semen jokes definitely are not on the list of reasons why I read Petite’s blog. Ew.

    So, Petite, who is going to be accompanying you to arctic monkeys?

    Comment by LJ — April 25, 2006 @ 8:32 pm

  57. sadly, it’s not Trevor.

    Comment by petite — April 25, 2006 @ 8:56 pm

  58. “Semen jokes definitely are not on the list of reasons why I read Petite’s blog.”

    ……..but nipple jokes are obviously……….

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 25, 2006 @ 9:22 pm

  59. Believe me dave, having your nipples tweaked by an overenthusiastic two year old is No Joke.

    Comment by petite — April 25, 2006 @ 11:20 pm

  60. Yeah. What she said.

    Comment by LJ — April 26, 2006 @ 1:52 am

  61. Having reflected on it a bit more, I wonder if the image attached to this story is related to the fact that no. 26 of the “33 things” has been changed.
    A colleague went to see the arctic monkeys the other day. He said they were excellent. I’m sure Jim in Rennes will be looking forward to it.

    Comment by Hywel Mallett — April 26, 2006 @ 2:14 am

  62. “Believe me dave, having your nipples tweaked by an overenthusiastic two year old is No Joke.”

    Oh I believe you, but, on the other side of the coin, having my three year old neice jump on me in the morning, shouting “wake up Uncle David!,” and landing squarely on my crotch isn’t fun either.

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 26, 2006 @ 2:50 am

  63. Having your shirt forceably lifted in public by a two year-old while he calls out “dooly! dooly!” (the word he uses when he wants to nurse) is also not as entertaining as one might think…

    Comment by She — April 26, 2006 @ 10:12 am

  64. I don’t like meeting people, especially for the first time, in crowded places. One always has to shout to make oneself understood. Just imagine.

    Petite: What did you say Trevor? I can’t hear you!
    Trevor: I said THAT YOU’VE GOT POINTED NIPPLES!!!

    Now, we don’t want that do we, surely.

    Comment by Trevor — April 26, 2006 @ 10:55 am

  65. Don’t count on me to lower the tone this time.

    Comment by Parkin Pig — April 26, 2006 @ 11:00 am

  66. my, this has all taken an interesting turn…
    Trevor, the comment would be better than reaching out and grabbing like Tadpole did…

    Comment by nrg — April 26, 2006 @ 3:36 pm

  67. Good heavens, no never.

    Then again, what with the loud music and the crowds, who knows – I might get disorientated.
    No, no the Arctic Monkeys are not for me.

    Comment by Trevor — April 26, 2006 @ 4:02 pm

  68. I really wish I knew if Trevor is really like he portrays himself or if he is just taking the piss.

    Petite- you need to find out and report back to us..

    Comment by David in London — April 26, 2006 @ 7:15 pm

  69. When it happened incidentally did you get all the usual muttering and tutting and scuffing from business class? ( O I do hate them sometimes!) xx

    Comment by fjl — April 26, 2006 @ 7:18 pm

  70. Well, hopefully the anecdotal value makes up for the embarrassment.

    Comment by homeimprovementninja — April 26, 2006 @ 8:19 pm

  71. Funnily enough, I once had a similar experience whilst au-pairing in Germany. One of my charges did to me just what Tadpole did to you, and then exclaimed:

    ‘Warum so kleine?’ (why so small?)

    So it could have been worse…

    Comment by Grande Anglaise — April 26, 2006 @ 8:44 pm

  72. Do I detect a budding comments box flirtation between this Trevor bloke and Petite ? Careful now. All it takes are the odd private email, going to a concert together and then before you know it there’ll be talk of renovating farmhouses in Britanny.

    Comment by Mancunian Lass — April 26, 2006 @ 9:28 pm

  73. The nipple made me laugh out loud!
    In fact I was forced to spit out my food…

    Comment by Liz — April 26, 2006 @ 9:35 pm

  74. Trevor definitely takes the weewee of himself, as it were. That’s what makes him so endearing…
    By the way, anyone got any idea about the French equivalent of ROFLMAO? Do they have one?

    LJ, what’s it stand for?

    Comment by Lucy-Jane (LJ, but not the same as LJ) — April 26, 2006 @ 10:36 pm

  75. Dave of the Lake, while all that is physically or psychologically painful, try having your three-year old come home from school when you have what you think is a stomach flu, jumping on you while you’re in bed, and rupturing your appendix. It happened to me, and the effects last a lot longer. Although a well-aimed jump on your niece’s part might yield permanent effects, too?

    Comment by Alethea — April 26, 2006 @ 10:40 pm

  76. Mancunian, I had the same feeling!! Let’s wait and see…

    Comment by Eau — April 26, 2006 @ 10:42 pm

  77. I would go with “Rolling on the Floor Laughing my Ass Off” or something similar.

    Which I am not doing right now. But I can’t talk about why.

    Yet.

    Comment by petite — April 27, 2006 @ 12:10 am

  78. ” Although a well-aimed jump on your niece’s part might yield permanent effects, too?”

    Alethea,

    Indeed, but fortunately her aim was off slightly. It was a glancing blow, but effective, nonetheless. As for your appendix, I guess she got at least a 9.5 from the judges on that one, huh? ;-)

    I’m glad my same neice was still a baby when I had my liver transplant surgery……..A similar event to yours would have have been messy, to say the least……

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 27, 2006 @ 12:37 am

  79. What’s with the test card as next post???

    Comment by David in London — April 27, 2006 @ 10:17 am

  80. My guess is, it’s the “blank screen” like the one you get, or used to get, when there’s nothing on TV.

    Comment by V. — April 27, 2006 @ 10:22 am

  81. Come on petite. We’re waiting…….

    Comment by suze — April 27, 2006 @ 10:27 am

  82. Oh my god…feel for you. Bless her…

    Comment by Generally_Speaking — April 27, 2006 @ 11:14 am

  83. V:

    Or, to use it’s proper term, ‘test card’.

    ;-)

    Comment by David in London — April 27, 2006 @ 11:17 am

  84. I think V was just suggesting that Petite has nothing much happening in her life at the moment, thus the use of the test card. We have to wait for more action. Although I’m not suggesting Petites life is a television programme designed for our amusement.

    But wasn’t there a programme in the 80’s with Anton Rogers about a british couple living in France?

    Comment by Hmmm — April 27, 2006 @ 1:26 pm

  85. French Fields!
    http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/tv/comedy/fresh.htm

    Comment by Hmmm — April 27, 2006 @ 1:27 pm

  86. I can’t wait for the white dot and the funny noise as the signal fades..

    Comment by meredic — April 27, 2006 @ 1:59 pm

  87. I reckon its something to do with NOT rolling on the floor with laughter that she can’t talk about – yet!
    Just hope its nothing awful Petite. You’ve had enough to cope with as it is.
    Hugs

    Comment by Sandy — April 27, 2006 @ 2:00 pm

  88. Ack! What does it mean?? It’s like a weird communicaiton from an alien civilization. Petite, I hope you’re OK.

    Lucy-Jane: LJ stands for Laura Joy. LJ is my childhood nickname.

    And would someone translate “takes the piss” into American for me? I can’t quite grasp it’s meaning from the context. If I had to guess I’d say “thinks a lot of himself” but I somehow doubt that really captures the subtleties of the phrase.

    Comment by LJ — April 27, 2006 @ 3:52 pm

  89. ‘Taking the piss’ out of (someone, something) means making fun of (someone, something).

    In Trevor’s case, I am asking whether he is really like he portrays himself to be, or whether he is creating a faux-naive persona, the intention of which is to use the faux-naivite to mock the conversation around him.

    Do you get what I mean??

    Comment by David in London — April 27, 2006 @ 4:27 pm

  90. naivety, rather.

    Comment by David in London — April 27, 2006 @ 4:33 pm

  91. David, I too would be interested to learn of Petite’s opinion on this matter.
    Sincerely.

    Comment by Trevor — April 27, 2006 @ 4:43 pm

  92. DIL: Aah. I see. I kind of sensed that about Trevor, too. Actually the manner in which Trevor entered the scene was pretty out there e.g. Petite’s “semi-detached” and “duality” posts.

    Trevor, oh sniffer of chemicals, are you really who you say you are?

    Comment by LJ — April 27, 2006 @ 5:18 pm

  93. sneering and scoffing behind a carefully constructed veneer of faux-naivete

    by dad, you’ve caught me out! how did you do it?

    Comment by Trevor — April 27, 2006 @ 5:28 pm

  94. Ha ha ha!! Whether you’re taking the piss or not, it is amusing…

    Comment by David in London — April 27, 2006 @ 5:36 pm

  95. Laura Joy – much prettier LJ than mine! ;-)

    Comment by Lucy-Jane (LJ, but not the same as LJ) — April 27, 2006 @ 8:32 pm

  96. Lucy-Jane, something rather horrifying just occurred to me. Did I steal your http://www.petiteanglaise.com comments name? Were you LJ before I was LJ? If so, my apologies and I’ll quickly choose another name. I kind of like the name “Trevor”, what do you think? Or does “Uranus” sound better? I hate making big decisions like this…

    Comment by LJ — April 27, 2006 @ 8:47 pm

  97. Hold on! Have I become some sort of a figure of fun on these pages, some sort of a laughing matter or what? I could very well pack my bags and leave the whole lot of you to wallow in your natural state of mealy-mouthedness you know. In fact now come to think of it I will. Well I’ve made my decision, I won’t be back for a while, and my return will be conditional. I’ve had enough!

    Comment by Trevor — April 27, 2006 @ 9:21 pm

  98. Oh la la, voilà Trevor quî pique sa crise … Et Petite qui nous joue la mire … Tout fout le camp, ma brave dame!

    Comment by Lola — April 27, 2006 @ 9:53 pm

  99. This blog is full of surprises !! In the Petite’s posts, but in the comment box, as well.
    Come back Petite ! Without you…

    Comment by Jujuly25 — April 27, 2006 @ 10:30 pm

  100. Yes, come back petite, we need somebody to steer this ship…………!

    Comment by suze — April 28, 2006 @ 12:00 am

  101. (Just thought I’d round the comments up to a nice round 100)

    Comment by suze — April 28, 2006 @ 12:01 am

  102. LJ – funnily enough, I sign my comments LJ everywhere else except here, even on work mails and everything, but on PA I’ve always signed Lucy-Jane. Sweet of you to be concerned, thankyou!
    BTW, people always asked me when I was at school if my name had American origins…perhaps it is more American than I thought! ;-)
    And I know Trev is still there, he’s watching to see what people’s reactions are…aren’t you Trev?

    Comment by Lucy-Jane (LJ, but not the same as LJ) — April 28, 2006 @ 12:07 am

  103. Maybe Petite jsut found out she’s preggers? Hmmmm that thought just popped into my head…

    :)

    Comment by Kiora — April 28, 2006 @ 12:47 am

  104. Trevor, please don’t go just yet. If you go, who will teach us big words like “sychophant”?

    Comment by LJ — April 28, 2006 @ 1:39 am

  105. What is that picture? It looks a bit like a Trouble game board.

    Comment by Janna — April 28, 2006 @ 1:52 am

  106. This is a weird comment, but Dave of the Lake, did you REALLY have a liver transplant? Or is that some humor I’ve missed?

    Comment by jouf — April 28, 2006 @ 3:49 am

  107. “This is a weird comment, but Dave of the Lake, did you REALLY have a liver transplant? Or is that some humor I’ve missed?”

    jouf,

    LOL!! Yes, I did indeed have a liver transplant, August 1, 1997. Petite can vouch for it as well.

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 28, 2006 @ 4:36 am

  108. Well, my husband had one too, Feb 2001 – I donated 60% of mine to him. UCLA’s first husband/wife and nonrelated donor transplant. He’s in my debt forever more! It’s truly amazing what they can do.

    Comment by jouf — April 28, 2006 @ 5:25 am

  109. OK, I’m sorry for blowing a fuse. We had been drinking whisky on the way back from work. It makes me paranoid.

    Comment by Trevor — April 28, 2006 @ 8:51 am

  110. Ha ha ha!!!

    I am literally wetting myself with laughter…

    Comment by David in London — April 28, 2006 @ 10:14 am

  111. Christ I wouldn’t even give my last rolo. Not that I’m married. Or have any rolos.

    Trevor: I think you have every reason to be paranoid. The amount people have been questioning your identity, your opinions, nay even your reality on this comments page, has led me to beleive that you are being spied upon right now.

    Comment by Hmmm — April 28, 2006 @ 10:58 am

  112. give my husband. Dumbass.

    Comment by Hmmm — April 28, 2006 @ 10:59 am

  113. 11:32am. No sign of Trevor.

    Comment by David in London — April 28, 2006 @ 11:32 am

  114. I blame the whiskey.

    Comment by Hmmm — April 28, 2006 @ 11:55 am

  115. Janna,

    Its what they used to show on TV in the UK (and maybe other places?) when the channel was off the air or something. and also had with it this annoying high pitched continuous tone over the top. Aaah nostalgia…

    Comment by Lee — April 28, 2006 @ 12:23 pm

  116. And the woman in it is now in her 40s..

    Comment by David in London — April 28, 2006 @ 1:01 pm

  117. Jouf
    Why did you have to give him 60% of your liver? That doesn’t sound very fair. Couldn’t you have gone 50-50? I know livers reconstitute themselves (clever things) but that must take some time. Could you function OK with only 40% of your liver?

    Comment by Mancunian Lass — April 28, 2006 @ 2:42 pm

  118. Getting worried about Petite. So worried that I am writing in incomplete sentences.

    Comment by LJ — April 28, 2006 @ 2:46 pm

  119. That test card used to spook me out when I was little, I thought the toy looked incredibly sinister – still do, I can’t look at it for long without shuddering. And if any of you saw the fantastic TV series Life on Mars on the BBC recently, set in the early 1970s, you’ll know that the writer of the series must have had the same childhood perception as me. Wasn’t Life on Mars just perfect(as well as funny)? You’re right, Lee, nostalgia…

    Comment by Helen — April 28, 2006 @ 2:49 pm

  120. “Why did you have to give him 60% of your liver? That doesn’t sound very fair. Couldn’t you have gone 50-50? I know livers reconstitute themselves (clever things) but that must take some time. Could you function OK with only 40% of your liver?”

    Manchurian,

    On the premise that you are not being tongue in cheek, yes the liver can indeed regenerate, but you need a certain amount to maintain adequeate function. 60% is the standard that is used in adult-to-adult living donor transplants. Children up to a certain age can make do with 10% in adult-to-child transplants. THe donor can function with 40% and regenerate just fine. The recipient however, is already quite ill, and you want to be able to give them as much as possible so that the liver can do what it does best as it performs over 500 different functions, and after the brain, is the next largest organ in the body. BTW, the regeneration time is 4-6 weeks. (Boy are we WAY OT here…)

    In addition to being a liver recipient, I am a former NYC paramedic, and I worked for a year as an organ procurement coordinator on a transplant team. (Surgical coordinator, second surgical assist.)

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — April 28, 2006 @ 3:45 pm

  121. Ha! this is turning into a sort of mini chat-room, petite will be proud (hope you’re okay petite)

    Comment by suze — April 28, 2006 @ 3:56 pm

  122. i always thought the skin was the biggest organ?

    Is there any other organ that they can lop 60% off and it will grow in the recipient? Amazing. Does that mean now that you have someone elses DNA reproducing inside you (if the cells are regenerating)?

    Comment by Hmmm — April 28, 2006 @ 4:12 pm

  123. So how’s your liver, Trevor?

    Comment by Parkin Pig — April 28, 2006 @ 4:16 pm

  124. In addition to being a liver recipient, I am a former NYC paramedic, and I worked for a year as an organ procurement coordinator on a transplant team. (Surgical coordinator, second surgical assist.)

    Dave of the Lake | 3:45 pm

    Which way round did this happen? I am struggling with a particularly ghoulish scenario.
    I always thought my job titles were conversation killers but “organ procurement coordinator” must have had lots of people saying “how fascinating” while edging away into the lightest part of the room.

    Comment by laurence — April 28, 2006 @ 4:21 pm

  125. Thanks, Lee. I would never have figured that out. I don’t think we have anything like that here.

    Comment by janna — April 28, 2006 @ 4:22 pm

  126. Hmmm

    I’m no expert on DNA or anything, but maybe the organ grows from the recipients own stem cells, I don’t think there’s ever been a successful DNA transplant :-P, they could probably cure autism or something if that was how it worked. No idea if thats right, but it SOUNDS flashy enough to be accurate ;-)

    Helen, I would have watched tLife on Mars but the music on the advert put me of to such a degree I couldn’t stomach watching the show. And yes, sorry petite if this is going way off track or anything.

    Comment by Lee — April 28, 2006 @ 4:24 pm

  127. Where are you Petite??

    Comment by David in London — April 28, 2006 @ 4:39 pm

  128. 17:53h. No sign of Trevor.

    Comment by David in London — April 28, 2006 @ 5:53 pm

  129. No petite, no Trevor…..mmmm

    Comment by suze — April 28, 2006 @ 6:03 pm

  130. Ptt and Trevor run away together…to some excotic islands! Drinking cocktails and making love wildely while we are worrying for them! Or maybe they are both just looking at us and seeing how we react in their absence!!

    Comment by Eau — April 28, 2006 @ 6:27 pm

  131. Trevor is in a drunken stupor.

    I’m still thinking about the liver thing. I would imagine that the cells would divide by the normal manner (i.e. mitosis), therefore you’d have someone elses DNA reproducing inside you…but it wouldn’t spread into any other tissue. I have a Biology degree, i really should know and it bothers me. Not enough to google it though.

    Life on Mars was VERY good. I wasn’t alive in the ’70’s but my boyfriend (who was) was obsessed with it. And i fancy the blonde guv guy.

    It does feel a bit weird with both Trevor and Petite completely out of contact. And I’ll have the whole bank holiday to wait before I find out what’s up.

    Happy weekend everyone! Bring on the booze xxxxx

    Comment by hmmm — April 28, 2006 @ 6:44 pm

  132. Perhaps Trevor is accompanying petite to the arctic monkeys concert after all!!

    Comment by suze — April 28, 2006 @ 7:34 pm

  133. The liver regenerates because the liver cells themselves divide & replicate–so you do have another person’s DNA replicating inside your body. As for autism, there’re multiple suspected susceptiblity genes, and likely a large environmental component that may occur prenatally–so a total DNA transplant would probably have to occur before the 2nd trimester (obviously well before the autism diagnosis is made and not entirely practical). Not that I’m currently writing a paper on the subject or anything . . . hurrah for grad school! (and boo for no petite posts to distract me from work)

    Comment by emily — April 28, 2006 @ 8:03 pm

  134. Just realized the arctic monkeys concert isn’t until may 2nd, so that blows that theory out of the water. Maybe Trevor is just mischief making by staying out of the mix, and sitting back and having a good laugh.

    Comment by suze — April 28, 2006 @ 9:04 pm

  135. Hello,
    I’m a new blogger. I noticed you’re a top blogger. Well done, nice material. My kids have given me an excuse to write myself. Being a dad brings up its days of do-do to contend with. ha-ha.

    Comment by K — April 28, 2006 @ 11:23 pm

  136. Lordy, petite, your comment box is a hotbed of conspiracy theorists, isn’t it? It’s great fun. If, you know, slightly obsessive and a bit odd. But in a nice way.

    Thinking of you, poppet. Will email.

    Comment by anna — April 28, 2006 @ 11:52 pm

  137. I hope your week-end is amazing, Petit!

    Comment by Gruntled — April 29, 2006 @ 1:33 am

  138. Well, I see I don’t need to add anything about how that liver thing all worked. Gave him some liver cause I really wanted the man back to WORK! Swear I could feel it growin back like a baby.

    Anyway, I think we need a Petite story. Otherwise we’re just going to have to make one up.

    Comment by jouf — April 29, 2006 @ 4:24 am

  139. The answer is obvious – Tadpole gave Petite a bump on the head, it’s knocked her out and she’s awakened to find she has been transported back to 1983, where she is now happily clubbing away to the sound of New Order. The testcard is a subliminal message. We need to keep talking to her, as random bits of our comments will filter back into her 1983 dream-world, and she’ll work out why she was sent there, which will enable her to return.

    Comment by Tom Tyler — April 29, 2006 @ 7:35 am

  140. Maybe, just maybe, Petite’s abit fed up with commenters commenting on her lovely blog to get themselves noticed and to increase their stats.
    I can’t say I’d blame her. xx

    Petite enjoy your break and get with some good upbuilding company. x

    Comment by fjl — April 29, 2006 @ 9:49 am

  141. I agree wholeheartedly with fjl.
    There are those in this comments box who’d go to any length just to get themselves noticed

    Comment by Trevor — April 29, 2006 @ 11:10 am

  142. I suspect a well-calculated ruse by our bella blogette. The hook (or is it a worm) in her final comment, the test card without beep, classic rock tracks (Eye of the Tiger by the LPO) or even an alt tag naming the picture as is her usual want. An Agatha Christie disappearing trick or a pending Reggie Perrin, maybe it is all over and the experiment nearly complete. Perhaps the site’s comments box will morph into a multi-layered blog, not unlike those livers and serve as a wordy epitaph for PA.

    Comment by Lionel — April 29, 2006 @ 1:59 pm

  143. I sense some toungue in cheek Trevor. ;-)

    Seriously though the whole ‘point scoring come and look at my blog’ thing makes me lift my eyes to heaven sometimes!…… chill x

    Comment by fjl — April 29, 2006 @ 1:59 pm

  144. fjl, seems a funny thing to concern yourself with. But I’m glad I could come look at your blog because I thought it was beautiful. Loved your writing, creativity, the pictures.

    Comment by jouf — April 29, 2006 @ 4:52 pm

  145. Petite, Petite, wherefore art thou Petite?

    :)

    Comment by Le Cornouaillais — April 29, 2006 @ 10:35 pm

  146. Jouf, thanks and welcome. xx

    Sometimes I just wish we could keep the friendships as simple as real life on the blogs, and avoid all the competitive stuff.
    I love it when it’s like that. x

    Comment by fjl — April 30, 2006 @ 2:47 pm

  147. Ok, the longer your test card is up there, the more I start to feel like a stalker. Every time, without fail, I even touch a computer I check your page hoping for an update.

    I’ve never checked a website this obsessively in my life (with the exception of waiting on grad school acceptance — I checked the student central online about once every 30 minutes in hopes of an update for about two weeks).

    Comment by 21stcenturywoman — April 30, 2006 @ 4:47 pm

  148. Good! Glad to see petite has acknowledged her silence. When ordinary bloggers are offline it’s no big deal, but with petite we need reassuring! thanks! Looking forward to reading about what’s been happening, and I hope it’s good things.

    Comment by Paris Lights — April 30, 2006 @ 11:29 pm

  149. Petite would not impose a week-long, or so, interlude for a frivolous reason…. to paraphrse an earler comment she made, “not blogging would be like amputating an arm”.

    So, it must be a serious matter. Perhaps difficulties with the flat purchase in Bellevlle? Or someone has tipped off the office ‘boss’ about her posts making reference to him? Or Mr Frog has read more than he can stomach about the ‘good time girl’ activities and has applied for custody of Tadpole? Or Michael Winner/John Prescott has been in touch to offer P a new job as his ‘diary secretary’? Or. saints forbid, P and FB have shot opff for a week long fling in Venice or somewhere?

    Comment by fella — April 30, 2006 @ 11:31 pm

  150. I have just discovered you and you touch my own memories in a wonderfully happy way and for that I thank you. Please keep on writing and if you are ever in the mood for sharing our childrens’ annecdotes then feel free to email…

    Kind regards,

    Steve. (also an exile from uk living in Paris)

    Comment by steve — May 1, 2006 @ 2:47 am

  151. Cuteness. Loving this blog !

    Comment by Alicia — May 1, 2006 @ 6:59 am

  152. Have a good holiday break Petite, I will miss your posts but I am looking forward to your summary of what you did during the time off-line.

    I was going to recommend you to get out of France to get the best out of a holiday, but I just did and found myself in the uncomfortable situation of sharing part of my trip with French people, so, we are not safe anywhere anymore!

    Cheers!

    Comment by Uranus — May 1, 2006 @ 2:13 pm

  153. Perhaps we should keep all speculation to ourselves. Patience.

    Comment by LJ — May 1, 2006 @ 2:50 pm

  154. I hope you go away Petite Anglaise – this blog is one of the worst things I have ever come across, it just reeks of desperation! Talk about prostituting everything you may have that is private cos you pathetically need to be validated by total strangers… Still, keeps all my friends and me laughing – like car crash tv, so bad you cant keep reading!

    Comment by Anna — May 1, 2006 @ 3:50 pm

  155. Yeah, if you get really desperate for something to read you could try Uranus’ blog. Then again…

    Comment by Claire — May 1, 2006 @ 5:10 pm


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