petite anglaise

March 5, 2006

salve

Filed under: parting ways, Tadpole rearing — bipolarinparis @ 9:55 pm

Just when I was starting to wonder where on earth they had got to, I heard a persistent tapping at the front door, at toddler level. I dabbed frantically at my eyes and checked my face in the mirror, not wanting to alarm Tadpole with my blotchy, puffy face.

As the door swung open, I was overwhelmed to see that my daughter was triumphantly brandishing a small bunch of tulips, my favourite flower. For the first time that day, I shed happy tears, deeply touched by Mr Frog’s thoughtful gesture.

He brought my Tadpole back to me early, because he knows, from experience, that she is the best medicine.

“What’s matter mummy?” asked Tadpole, anxiously, when I released her from a long clingy embrace and she noticed my damp cheeks.

“Mummy’s crying because she’s very happy to see you,” I replied, managing a wobbly smile.

“I go get a mouchoir,” she said, maternally, heading for the tissue box in the bedroom and returning with a handful. “Look, I make it better!”

Later, I explained that mummy was feeling “a bit sad”, because her friend Jim had gone home, and we wouldn’t be seeing him, or his daughters, again. She may not have understood, but I wanted her to know that there was a real reason for my behaviour; that she was not the cause.

She listened, solemnly, and then picked up her pencil and continued her colouring, tongue stuck out in apparent fierce concentration. But as I left the room, she looked over her shoulder, said:

“Never mind mummy.”

73 Comments

  1. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out how you expected…
    You have a very wise Tadpole: never mind, petite!
    (He obviously didn’t deserve you, but it’s not my place to say that…)
    I hope you find comfort in your bright daughter and life keeps smiling at you!
    Un bisou!

    Comment by Joana — March 5, 2006 @ 10:15 pm

  2. I am so sorry, Petite. It’s never easy when we pin our hopes to something that is suddenly less tangible than we expected it to be. This is a very difficult time but everyone’s got you in their thoughts and your daughter is, indeed, the very salve you need.

    Hope you’re okay and although it hurts, it will heal.

    Comment by Krissa — March 5, 2006 @ 10:20 pm

  3. One of the best things about children is how uncomplicated they are. It reminds us that sometimes, keeping it simple is the best way. And aren’t the early tulips just the BEST? Especially this time of year when it is still cold and dreary, just before spring.

    Comment by The Bold Soul — March 5, 2006 @ 10:27 pm

  4. hi petite – i’ve been lurking forever, but just have to step out of the shadows now… i read the “adrift” post late last night and my stomach just flipped over. i don’t even know you, but i lay awake in my bed worrying about you and Lover.

    you have been so brave to share your inner life with us, and my heart is heavy for you now. how you are managing to post right now is a mystery… but i imagine it must be therapeutic somehow.

    just know that there are loads of us girls (and boys, too, i’m sure) who want to lend our support — albeit in this bizarre virtual way.

    this much we know: you will get through this. You have shown yourself to be a strong, fabulous, brave woman.

    wishing i could somehow make it a little bit better,

    chou-chou

    Comment by chou-chou — March 5, 2006 @ 10:28 pm

  5. I am so very sorry. how is it that some people have an on/off switch on their heart? may there be many more “tulips” in the days ahead to ease your heart. hugs.

    Comment by caroline — March 5, 2006 @ 10:33 pm

  6. I will keep you in my prayers.
    a poem

    If you think
    if you think
    little girl little
    girl
    that its going
    that its going its
    going to last always
    the
    season of
    the season of
    season of affaires
    you’ve got it
    wrong
    little girl
    little girl
    got it wrong

    Queneau

    Comment by iowaslovak — March 5, 2006 @ 10:37 pm

  7. *sigh* tulips are a nice touch. My favourite flower as well.

    You are on my thoughts Petite… and I am sure on the thoughts of many of your regular readers. Better times will come.

    Comment by Chanda — March 5, 2006 @ 10:41 pm

  8. I am so sorry for your pain. Take one day at a time.

    Comment by Jennyta — March 5, 2006 @ 11:00 pm

  9. Boy, miss a few days due to technical problems and look what happens… I’ve been following your blog almost regularly for more than a year, and somewhere I missed out on Lover’s byebye… you poor thing, you must have that awful stomach knot… chin up, and yes, toddlers ARE great medicine. Even when they get older, it’s good too… I was sad today for some small reason and my 10 year old made me a pink and purple scoubidou… you can’t stay sad for long with one of those hanging off your keychain. Just wait till Tadpole learns how to make THOSE !

    Comment by magillicuddy — March 5, 2006 @ 11:16 pm

  10. although it is cliche to say and not enough, it is true that everything happens for a reason, and each person to come into our lives if for a reason, if not just to get you to the next step!

    I read your blog often, and I was sad to hear about this!

    Maybe lover was just a small piece in what is to come to you:)

    Take care and kids really are the best medicine:)

    kim

    Comment by kim Baker — March 5, 2006 @ 11:20 pm

  11. Btw, may I mention that I am going through a major divorce right now, it has been over 2 years, and there is no way in hell, if my ex knew that I was feeling down over a break up with my love, would he bring me flowers, he would rather kick me while I was down!
    Perhaps, mr. frog, just needs to be kissed again, to see if he really is your “prince”?
    If not, its a nice thought for your readers:)
    kim

    Comment by kim Baker — March 5, 2006 @ 11:24 pm

  12. I love your blog, and perhaps it’s a good day to say so.
    Mr Frog has been very thoughtful… Former husbands are not always so. You must be a very special person.

    Comment by Forestine — March 5, 2006 @ 11:31 pm

  13. Isn’t this internet world curious? All the way from Texas I have been thinking of you most of today and hoping you are doing OK. I am sorry for your pain and disappointment.

    One of your regular readers, who care much about you and Tadpole.

    Maxly

    Comment by Maxly — March 5, 2006 @ 11:41 pm

  14. Just to nip that thought about Mr Frog in the bud, there is no way back for him and me, and I think we both agree about that, wholeheartedly.

    But he has amazed me over the past couple of days and I know he’ll always be there, which is of great comfort.

    Comment by petite — March 5, 2006 @ 11:50 pm

  15. I feel very sad for you.
    it was very wise to look for a maternelle in paris. you were in love, but you always put tadpole first. I love that. I think I’ll buy me some tulips tomorrow. those early flowers bring back joy

    Comment by charlotte — March 6, 2006 @ 12:04 am

  16. That is terrible,I was flabbergasted. But all this could be a blessing is disguise. I think of you a lot since last night.

    Comment by mag — March 6, 2006 @ 12:25 am

  17. Sometimes they don’t love us anymore. Sometimes we don’t love them. It’s never easy either way, but luckily we have other precious people in our lives that make these times a little easier. All the best.

    Comment by miss tickle — March 6, 2006 @ 12:50 am

  18. I know things are far more complicated than a toddler can understand; but sometimes we do over-complicate things. There’s more in the simple act of getting a mouchoir for mummy than in weeks of trying to analyse where it went wrong. Keep to what is simple and true… and feel for you too!

    Comment by Richard — March 6, 2006 @ 1:19 am

  19. Sending a big virtual hug your way. I wouldn’t wish heartbreak on anyone. xx

    Comment by stressqueen — March 6, 2006 @ 1:19 am

  20. Look after yourself at this wretched time. Don’t blame yourself for what you feel may have caused the split. Don’t regret what you did or felt or said. This is a step nearer to the relationship you deserve.

    Comment by j — March 6, 2006 @ 1:20 am

  21. “Precious and Few are the Moments”… Have to love it when the new day dawns!!! Beth

    Comment by Beth — March 6, 2006 @ 1:30 am

  22. Dear Petite,
    I hope you’re bearing up well. Please take good care of yourself.

    Comment by Monreve — March 6, 2006 @ 2:18 am

  23. You have what matters.

    Comment by fjl — March 6, 2006 @ 2:31 am

  24. Sorry is never enough. We want you. Thank you for staying with us.

    Comment by joeinvegas — March 6, 2006 @ 3:19 am

  25. Petite, I’m so sorry!

    Why does everything have to be so complicated?

    Comment by Louis — March 6, 2006 @ 6:31 am

  26. It’s a very strange thing, this blogging lark. I don’t know you personally at all, but am very sad for you. I don’t know how a virtual hug from a complete stranger could possibly help, but I’m sending you one anyway, just in case. I’m so sorry it didn’t work out.

    Comment by rachie — March 6, 2006 @ 8:33 am

  27. A wee cheery native flower from the Antipodes for you. Chin up luv, as they say in ol blighty. I hate it when your most recent posts disappear momentarily. I read your ‘adrift’ and then that and your most recent posts, gone from the blogisphere,was worried about you.It happens to Japanese/Malay blogs I read too, for reasons I’ve never been able to fathom. Glad your back, we’re here to sit and listen if that helps. Tadpole hugs will help lots I’m sure. Regards from NZ :)

    Comment by edt — March 6, 2006 @ 9:40 am

  28. The same thing happened to me a few months ago. Aren’t they incomprehensible words to hear? It’s hard to feel the ground when your life does such a sudden 180. I hope you feel human again soon – I’m sure we’re all sending a lot of ‘feel better’ vibes in your direction!

    Comment by mintypoppet — March 6, 2006 @ 9:45 am

  29. This is bad news. There’s lots of things I could say but most would seem trite. I will err on the side of being flippant but not because I don’t care, on the contrary.If your blog were a soap opera I would now be turning over to EastEnders for light relief – and EastEnders always seem to be full of characters either sticking the boot in, thinking about sticking the boot in, or trying to cover up after having stuck the boot in.
    But seriously, take care

    Comment by dom — March 6, 2006 @ 9:46 am

  30. oops… the cyber florist messed up a tad ;) If the clickable link is broken, change the percentage and 20 characters to a dash.

    Comment by edt — March 6, 2006 @ 10:05 am

  31. I know you have switched off comments on that post, but I just wanted say I am sorry it didnt work out and I am thinking of you and Tadpole (HUGS)

    Comment by beckyjsbx — March 6, 2006 @ 10:09 am

  32. Petite…..a very painful time for you, but perhaps also a sense of your awareness that it was ‘not meant to be’ however much you ‘wanted’ it to be. The tulips, Tadpole, Spring, all speak of new beginnings. I join with all your fiends and cyber-friends in hoping that you will soon be able to enjoy living for the present and that the soul mate for whom you are seeking, and so richly deserve. will not be too elusive in the future.

    Comment by fella — March 6, 2006 @ 10:43 am

  33. I haven’t posted in ages, probably well over a year. I wanted to say something when you and Mr Frog parted ways but for me it was too close to the bone. I wish all the very, very best in this difficult time.

    Comment by sp999 — March 6, 2006 @ 10:44 am

  34. “La vérité sort de la bouche des enfants – never mind mummy” after the rain …..
    Bon courage

    Comment by Carole — March 6, 2006 @ 11:34 am

  35. Hey, don’t go on the record so quickly about Mr Frog. He sounds like he’s being fabulous.

    Comment by dan — March 6, 2006 @ 11:49 am

  36. Can’t think of words to write – my kitten would say what I wanted to say with a little head-nudge…

    Comment by Puplet — March 6, 2006 @ 11:59 am

  37. Petite, I hope the best for you. Do what makes you happiest right now. It sounds like you’ve already got the most important person by your side.

    Comment by Coquette — March 6, 2006 @ 11:59 am

  38. Hi Petite. I know there isn’t much to say…but wanted to say sorry for your pain.

    Throw yourself into the things you love now (writing, Tadpole, etc.)You will come out of this an even stronger person.
    Big Hugs :)

    Comment by Just Dazzle — March 6, 2006 @ 12:05 pm

  39. I have been an avid lurker of your blog for a year and a half but now think its time for me to finally comment. I am so sorry that things didn’t work out between you and your Lover

    I remember being very sad for Tadpoles sake when you and Mr Frog split up but this seems worse.

    Your strength in your last break up helped me make a tough decision to end a destructive, unhappy relationship of my own and I am sure you will come through this difficult time just as well.

    Take care and Best Wishes

    Comment by Ra — March 6, 2006 @ 12:43 pm

  40. I am a grandmother with two grown up daughters – probably not the audience you expect. I have read your posts with interest for some time without comment, but on this occasion I would like to offer you my sympathy and hope that you can find the strength and resilience to get through this miserable time. I have nursed one of my daughters through two disastrous relationships, and know how desperate you can feel. Hang in there, and hug your daughter.

    Comment by Claira — March 6, 2006 @ 12:50 pm

  41. I really feel for you. My heart skipped a beat when I read adrift.Please look after yourself…lots of pampering and fun stuff with your little girl.
    Warm wishes

    Comment by Londoner — March 6, 2006 @ 1:00 pm

  42. So sad. Can’t believe this is happening. He must be crazy.

    Comment by Parkin Pig — March 6, 2006 @ 1:36 pm

  43. Like Claira, I too have children (in their thirties) who have had similar experiences to yours – and I can remember my own ‘losses’ as well. The memories stay but the hurt diminishes and eventually goes away as life goes on and is filled with new experiences.
    You will be strong because you and tadpole have each other to look after.
    Gros bisous to you both.

    Comment by Sandy — March 6, 2006 @ 1:42 pm

  44. Be strong Petite. Be strong.

    Comment by Germain — March 6, 2006 @ 1:43 pm

  45. Very sorry Petite. Try to keep busy these days and slowly it will pass… We’ve all been there…

    Comment by May — March 6, 2006 @ 2:25 pm

  46. I feel your pain….even here in sunny Singapore.
    Hugs to you & tadpole

    Comment by SingaporeGirl — March 6, 2006 @ 2:34 pm

  47. Hang in there, Petite. I’m afraid to write more as it all might seem like a bunch of platitudes and a bit cliched. Keep your chin up. Thinking of you…

    Comment by Kat — March 6, 2006 @ 2:48 pm

  48. Much love to you. It’s great to see your regular commenters like PP and fella stopping by to drop off a meal and do a bit of laundry, which, I like to think, is what we all are doing when we send you love via your comment box.

    Comment by LJ — March 6, 2006 @ 3:07 pm

  49. petite, I’m so sorry. I’ve been there – like most of us. But it doesn’t make it any better or different. You are you. Your pain yours. I’ll think of you.

    Comment by grannyp — March 6, 2006 @ 3:08 pm

  50. You have an awesome daughter ;-)

    Just remember you have lots of people here who are behind you. You have my email address if you need to offload on someone who has lived her own little soap opera as well. I wasn’t lucky enough to be able to talk about my situation in public on my blog (would have caused A LOT of trouble) but keep writing about everything, it can only help..

    (…ps: you already seem to be dealing with things better…)

    Comment by Nicky — March 6, 2006 @ 3:23 pm

  51. I’ve mostly been a lurker here as well- except for posting what now strikes me as a totally idiotic comment a few days ago – but have to tell you now that I’ve been thinking about you quite a bit over the past few days. And will be continuing to do so…

    Comment by Theresa — March 6, 2006 @ 3:28 pm

  52. I feel sorry, as the others, for you too. Don’t know how much better the bloggers can make you feel but even if only a little, then it is still good to take.
    We are all with you.

    Pink

    Comment by Pink — March 6, 2006 @ 3:52 pm

  53. I’m so sorry. There is a beautiful song by Everything but the Girl called “The Heart remains a Child” off the album “Walking Wounded”. It begins “I dreamed about you again last night” – it’s worth a listen.
    Time will heal your pain, but while you wait, a daughter’s hugs will help. In her, you have at least one love in your life that can never be broken.

    Comment by xtrapnel — March 6, 2006 @ 3:59 pm

  54. OMG! Have only just visited today after a few days’ absence. Am so sorry. Thinking of you.

    Comment by kjr — March 6, 2006 @ 4:30 pm

  55. Hello Petite, I’ve followed your blog since early Spring 05, and you’ve become a regular part of my week. I start most mornings reading about your day, and it always gives me a smile. I’ve shared in your many triumps, frustrations, dissappointments, and now this heartbreak. I am so sorry about the way it’s worked out. Time will heal. Although it may be impossible to fathom at this point. Let your many friends (real live one’s and cyber one’s ) take care of you. Your are a fabulous woman, and are loved by many of us.

    Comment by elaine — March 6, 2006 @ 4:52 pm

  56. I am terribly sorry. There was a feeling in your recent posts that something wasn’t going well with the relationship.

    You’re in my thoughts.

    -Hug-

    Comment by Nicole — March 6, 2006 @ 5:40 pm

  57. take care of yourself

    **hugs**

    Comment by Icecream — March 6, 2006 @ 6:04 pm

  58. It’s very spooky to think that things I was attempting to hide, even from myself, could still be discerned between the lines of this blog…

    Although, these things are easy to say with the benefit of hindsight.

    Comment by petite — March 6, 2006 @ 6:15 pm

  59. Hindsight: Very true- You just haven’t been sounding very happy. Again, I am so sorry.

    I hope you have ice cream. (I always grab the ice cream in these situations)

    Comment by Nicole — March 6, 2006 @ 6:27 pm

  60. Poor petite, I am so sorry!

    Comment by Vanessa — March 6, 2006 @ 6:27 pm

  61. Often it is not until after a love affair has finished that one begins to see when and where the problems were. Something bring to mind a scene from my last relationship and I’ll suddenly see what was wrong, when at the time it seemed so, so right.

    Hope you’re doing OK. And thank you for your blogging, especially at the moment.

    Comment by Hazy — March 6, 2006 @ 6:32 pm

  62. The others have all said it so much better than I could, so I’ll just leave it at “I hope you’re doing okay”…your posts have cheered me up on many down days, I can only hope you find some comfort in the words of strangers. And if you ever want to get in touch with any thugs in Rennes, let me know (sorry, my poor attempt at humor in this sad time).

    Comment by Samantha — March 6, 2006 @ 6:59 pm

  63. My first post to your blog, didn’t think I’d ever do this… but that adrift post caught my attention in a special way.

    It’s hell, these feelings. Going through it myself right now, albeit not for the same reasons – I don’t know if that can bring any comfort, knowing that you’re not the only one out there. One thought that’s clearly true, might bring some relief (and is oh so mature?) is that this kind of pain always ends at some point. Until then, we all have to go through it.

    You didn’t mention so we won’t know but it sounds as if at least there was no injury, only the sadness of separation. That, at least, is some comfort, I think.

    Comment by Greyfur — March 6, 2006 @ 9:05 pm

  64. Petite, I’m so sorry that things haven’t worked out. Your courage to continue to write about such a raw and painful experience, rather than to gloss it over, is remarkable.

    Tadpole, however, sounds like she’s got an old head. Sometimes, the younger they are, the sounder their grip on the world.

    Comment by morgalou — March 6, 2006 @ 9:18 pm

  65. I’ve been enjoying your blog for many months now and don’t often comment. I caught up today on a week’s worth and was very sorry to hear your current news. I’m glad you have Tadpole in your life…and Mr. Frog too. May you be showered with tulips.

    Comment by Terri — March 6, 2006 @ 10:04 pm

  66. Petite, I’m so sorry it’s all gone pear-shaped.

    Just remind yourself that when you finished with Frog, you never imagined Lover would come along. Whatever happens now, it won’t be anything you’ve imagined, good or bad.

    And Tadpole will make sure you’re OK.

    Love and cyberhugs
    Rob

    Comment by Rob — March 7, 2006 @ 1:39 am

  67. There must be something about tulips… My mom died two weeks ago today and although they’re not my favorite flower I found myself wanting some, but alas the stores I visited did not have any.

    I will share some words with you that many have been telling me of late… Time heals all hurts. All the best to you, petite.

    Comment by Star — March 7, 2006 @ 1:57 am

  68. there is so much to live in life…just take it easy. fill every shelf and closet with chocolates (dark) and do not have alcohol but fresh air..

    Comment by hera — March 7, 2006 @ 10:00 am

  69. I don’t know if it was this post, or the fact that I am listening to sad songs, but something made me cry. I have never commented before, but just wanted to say I am so sorry!

    Isla xx

    Comment by Isla — March 7, 2006 @ 2:10 pm

  70. Oh Petite
    Sending you much love

    You know you will be ok

    Thankfully, we never know what adventures lie ahead.

    Meanwhile, stay strong and each time you falter, look in Tadpole’s eyes and tell me it’s not all ok?

    Thank you for your blog – been reading for a while and just had to comment today.

    xxx

    Comment by Nessa — March 7, 2006 @ 8:55 pm

  71. So sorry Petite … I’ve been away from the computer for a few days but another friend who reads filled me in. I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked out, thinking of you, sending good thoughts your way.

    Comment by Miss Lisa — March 8, 2006 @ 12:44 am

  72. How awful for you… and how therapeutic to have the love and support of Tadpole (and Mr Frog, in his own way) in the middle of such a devastating period. I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you and your etoile filante. Wish I had some words of wisdom or comfort; all I can say is hang in there and don’t forget there are far more people than you know who appreciate you and think you are fantastic.

    Comment by Sara in Melun — March 8, 2006 @ 2:35 am

  73. Maybe you needed Jim in order to move away from Mr Frog. Like a stepping stone.

    Comment by Past tense — March 10, 2006 @ 11:01 am


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