petite anglaise

January 19, 2006

apprehensive

Filed under: good time girl, mills & boon, missing blighty — bipolarinparis @ 4:51 pm

This weekend, I will be meeting the “friends” referred to below. The very idea of this meeting has me in a turmoil.

extract from email from Lover, May 2005

“When I went back to England last month, I was moaning to my friends about Mad French Bird. As they are all nearing or indeed at 40 and in stable conventional relationships, none of them could see what on Earth my problem was with dating a mixed-up 22-year old. Eventually, I said “Look, the person that I REALLY like, the person that I feel completely compelled to, is someone I’ve never seen, who lives in Paris and has a partner and a child. I don’t know her name or what she looks like, but (…) I can’t get her out of my head.”

It is less than a year later, and by some bizarre twist of interweb fate we have been together for several months now. No twenty-two year old is any match for a petite anglaise with her glad rags on.

So, why the inner turmoil? So far, those of Lover’s friends I have met in France have all been lovely people, which bodes well. I do not doubt we will be in very good company.

What’s more, I am really looking forward to getting to know Lover better, as tongues do tend to be loosened by alcohol, and, with luck, some interesting stories about his schooldays in Sheffield will emerge over the course of the evening. And it’s always revealing to see a person in a new context. We all behave differently depending on who we are with, do we not? Among our oldest friends, we get back to the basics of who we really are.

The very Englishness of the weekend is also appealing, as curry and/or fish and chips and/or a full English breakfast are bound to be on the menu. An opportunity to worship at the altar of The Holy Grease. Not to be sniffed at.

But, despite all these positives, I appear to be rather nervous. This I know because when packing for a weekend away, I do not generally make a habit of trying on the entire contents of my wardrobe in front of a full-length mirror. It’s one thing being anxious about making a good impression (and striving to minimise the impression made by my disproportionately large rear, lest it steal all the limelight), but this level of panic (a code red alert) seems a little excessive, even to me.

I’ll admit to being slightly apprehensive that I won’t be able to take the pace (being woefully out of practice at drinking in pubs, all evening long, standing up) and a little uneasy at the prospect that, a few drinks into the evening, I might be an embarrassment, or a little too lairy.

But there are bigger issues here. Will I be a disappointment in some way? How do I compare with the ex-wife that they all knew so well, or the terrifyingly sexy girlfriend who helped him pick up the pieces, post-divorce? One of the most attractive things about an older man is that he knows who he is, and is comfortable in his own skin. The flipside of that coin is that he is bound to have some pretty weighty baggage; excess baggage, which in an airport would cost you dearly. And so I must deal with the ghosts of wives and girlfriends past.

Last, but not least, there is the small matter of the situation I was in when we met, as evidenced by the phrase: “who lives in Paris and has a partner and a child”. Our relationship was born out of the ruins of another. There was all kinds of fallout involved. I have taken my child away from her father, and plan to uproot us both next summer, in order to be with him. When I meet a friend of his for the first time, I sometimes wonder: are his friends simply happy for him, or do they feel slightly uncomfortable with how it all came about? Will they be judging me (as some of my commenters do)?

As usual, my mind is working overtime, creating problems, amplifying things out of all proportion.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I want to be cremated when that time comes, I think the phrase “petite anglaise – she thought too much” would have made a fitting epitaph.

59 Comments

  1. Panic not Petite

    If these people are his true friends then they will love you simply because you make him happy….

    and I doubt the size of your rear, disproprotionately large or otherwise will be even noticed, unless it really is HUGE, in which case….

    Bonne chance!

    Comment by Julia — January 19, 2006 @ 5:37 pm

  2. It’s a good sign of the level of your fondness for Lover that you’re anxious, as long as you can keep a little “sang froid” things should go swimmingly. We’ve all got baggage, but it’s surprising how well things can go after the nerves wear off.

    I notice you’re reading “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”. It’s an excellent read, I finished it a few months ago.

    -Fruey

    Comment by fruey (Let's Have It) — January 19, 2006 @ 5:47 pm

  3. My bf is an ‘older man’ and there are distinct joys attached but, like you, there is baggage as well! I tend to smile sweetly at his friends and hope for the best for the first 15 minutes, and then discover that they are so nice that i can just relax and be myself. Enjoy the full english breakfast – am very jealous!!!

    Comment by kingston girl — January 19, 2006 @ 5:48 pm

  4. I know what it’s like meeting the family and friends of a new partner – a very daunting prospect!

    I was pleased to be meeting them but I was also afraid that I’d be constantly compared to her ex. They were together for 3 years, he was a photo model and on top of that, an all-round-really-nice-guy by all accounts. They didn’t have seperate names any more, instead being referred to by one allstucktogether name, like: DickandDora or ThelmaandLouise (except that the latter were both girls). My French isn’t perfect either, and I don’t think I come accross nearly as well in French as I do in English, so I was afraid they would get the impression that I was a boring foreigner with no sense of humour who couldn’t follow the conversation and who didn’t have anything to say for himself. At the dinner table everybody took their habitual seats and I sat in the place that HE usually sat in. Obviously feeling relaxed and comfortable back in her old environment, my girlfriend at one point even called me by HIS name, which was quite a surprise! (Everybody was shocked and she appologised profusely; now whenever we go there, they make a point of never putting me in that same seat again.)

    I wasn’t responsible for their break-up but her family and friends were fond of him and it took them a while to get used to me being there instead of him. Now I feel completely accepted into her family and circle of friends; they all see that she is happy with me, and they in turn are happy for her.

    It’s completely natural that you feel nervous but I’m sure it’ll all go very smoothly.

    Be smile!

    Comment by Liam in Lille/Bath/Toulouse — January 19, 2006 @ 5:48 pm

  5. On the other hand I also have an older boyfriend and I am the first person he has taken home to introduce to his family.

    The weight of expectation that rested upon that visit was enormous. I later found out that his parents texted his sister the first evening we were there to let her know that I was nice (as she was anxiously waiting by the phone, but they couldn’t phone her as we would know).

    To top it all his mother is the ultimate housewife stay at home mother, while I am a career woman and not at all domesticated so I suspect I was not what she was hoping he would bring home

    His family have been lovely and very welcoming, but I was so nervous by the time we got there for that first visit i nearly begged him to turn around and drive away rather than get out of the car.

    Comment by Louise — January 19, 2006 @ 5:59 pm

  6. Agreed with Julia. Anyone loved by someone I love is someone I love too, by default…within reason of course.

    Comment by Sarah — January 19, 2006 @ 6:00 pm

  7. Be afraid…

    Comment by Jim in Rennes — January 19, 2006 @ 6:41 pm

  8. I’m curious, Petite, did Mr. Frog read your blog, and does Lover still read it?

    Because I was with someone for several years, and kept my blog a secret, and that left me free to write anything I wanted about the frustrations of my relationship, and when it ended, the frustrations of breaking up.

    My next relationship was with someone who already read the blog (not that we met through it), and continued to do so. And this wasn’t a huge problem. But we only lasted for about year, and I knew that she continued to read it (and I hers) and even now, six months post-breakup, I know that I find myself self-censoring. I don’t write about dates that I would otherwise have written about, because I don’t want her to know I’m dating unless its someone serious. I make veiled references that I know only she’ll pick up, and she does the same on her blog.

    So my question is, not only who reads, but how much do you change what you write because they’re reading?

    In any case, I just went through the audition brunch with the friends of the girl I’m seeing now (again, something I would have blogged about, were it not for the ex), and – though it’s nothing terribly serious between us – I was still thoroughly nervous. But it went swimmingly. Because good people tend to have good friends. Good luck. And start drinking tonight and tomorrow, heavily, to warm up the old liver.

    Comment by Kerry — January 19, 2006 @ 6:49 pm

  9. Julia said it best. I recently heard my mom say she loves my boyfriend, even she’s only met him about 4 times, because she knows I love him. It’s slightly different with moms, I know, but friends are the same way.

    Jim, I would recommend you be the one who’s afraid–cross Petite and you have hundreds of readers who will be crying for your head and genitals on a platter.

    Comment by Leslie — January 19, 2006 @ 6:57 pm

  10. I would be nervous, too, as I am also prone to over-thinking. No worries, they will love you by default, and if they don’t, you will surely charm them all within moments of meeting you (if your online words and wit are anything to go by).

    Comment by quinn — January 19, 2006 @ 7:15 pm

  11. no need to be afraid. All we need is to get used to ;)

    Me, as a daughter whose parents are divorced has got this happening when all the family from my father’s side gathered with all the family from my mother’s side. As I’ve been growing up and raised in my mother’s side I used to only hang out with the family from my mother’s side.

    And so you could imagine how it was to gather all the families at one place, the family from my father’s side saw the new man of my mom and I was thinking like,’should they accept this old man being together with my mom who’s far more younger than he is?’

    But … I’m also as curious as Kerry :|

    Comment by anonymuis — January 19, 2006 @ 7:19 pm

  12. Shouldn’t the date be 2005 and not 2004? [Am I being really picky here?] I just know that I was amazed at how long you knew Lover when I first saw the post!

    Comment by Gem — January 19, 2006 @ 8:35 pm

  13. Come on now, you missed out the MOST-IMPORTANT-BIT: tell us what clothes you finally decided to pack???

    Comment by Mancunian Lass — January 19, 2006 @ 9:01 pm

  14. I’ve seen Petite’s rear end (clothed) and it’s really lovely.

    Comment by Antipo Déesse — January 19, 2006 @ 9:08 pm

  15. Fortunately, I’ve never been the sort of person to feel uneasy or even (ha!) afraid at the very idea of meeting a group of people entirely new to me. I am supremely socially confident, so cannot advise.

    *cough*

    *splutter*

    Comment by Vaughan — January 19, 2006 @ 9:48 pm

  16. When I met my boyfriend’s friends for the first time, it was at their home for dinner where we watched the friends’ recent wedding video. Both my boyfriend AND his stunningly thin and exotically beautiful ex-girlfriend (with whom he lived for 2.5 years before they broke up and he met me) were in the wedding party. HE got a big surprise when he saw HER in the video, acting all sweet and nice when HE was around, but acting like a first-class bitch with a sour face to everyone else. Later that evening, the wives of his two best friends took me aside and said, “We like you SO much better than HER!”

    His mother felt the same, by the way.

    So be of good cheer, I feel certain you will be a big hit, if for no other reason than they will see how happy Lover is now that you are in his life. Just go and relax and enjoy yourself!

    Comment by The Bold Soul — January 19, 2006 @ 9:49 pm

  17. Leslie – that would have to be a very big platter.

    (ahem, for his head, I meant).

    Kerry – Lover reads it all, Mr Frog almost never (never did when we were together). I don’t think I hold back about anything, relationship-wise. My only boundaries are family oriented – i.e. no explicit sexual content in case mum is reading (and probably also because it would feel a bit weird!) And I keep mum, dad and my sisters out of it too. Families are complicated enough…

    MancLass – skinny jeans worn with short Comptoir des Cotonniers jersey dress with ribbon straps(sale!), high-heeled boots for their leg-lengthening properties.. new coat (sales!), or maybe black cape (sales!)… Oh, and maybe The Beret (outdoors).

    I don’t actually know where we are going so will have to improvise… It is Sheffield, after all, and will probably be freezing!

    Comment by petite — January 19, 2006 @ 9:54 pm

  18. ” Will I be a disappointment in some way? How will I compare?…”

    Understandable thoughts and yes, you’re right, you do fret and worry much too much!! How you do worry. You’re even worrying about the best way to dispose of your own remains when you have all this living still to do! You’ll end up worrying your friends (and lover) to death. Then they won’t be around to carry out your wishes, will they?

    What can one say, except feel secure in your own skin, be yourself, and live for yourself..not to fulfill others’ expectations of you…..

    After all, you’re a brilliant, sexy lady with boundless energy who holds us all spelbound in your blog whilst being a super-mother, top notch professional and trend-setter. Not to mention your flair in the kitchen…. I’m still dreaming about those mince pies. Methinks its his friends who might need to be a little bit appreensive that THEY don’t match up to your credentials…. especially those increasingly elevated above the rear end.

    Enjoy your weekend … I’m looking forward to you telling us, with your wonderful air of innocence, that you were still standing… while THEY were slumped incoherently over the table.

    Comment by Fella — January 19, 2006 @ 10:11 pm

  19. There’s a horribly cheesy song whose lyrics go, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Trite but true. So don’t worry too much. People judge based on their own issues, not on your realities.

    Comment by Moxie — January 19, 2006 @ 10:55 pm

  20. Oh mais bien sur, les soldes de janvier. Il va falloir etre hyper-chic, alors. But don’t go too French for them, retain a touch of limey charm.

    Comment by Kerry — January 19, 2006 @ 11:08 pm

  21. ooh – where did you get your black cape from please? I want one and don’t get out ter’shops much these days…

    and you’ll be just fine with the friends. the fact that you discuss all this with Lover is so good – he is on your side and will do everything to make you feel comfortable I am sure.

    when I started going out with the bf 10 years ago it was unspoken but understood that I wasn’t welcome at his haunts with his friends and I finally met his friends v slowly with no background info & little introduction… just didn’t really question it much tho’. low self-esteem? moi? 10 years on sometimes feels like that early bad treatment might bubble up and explode one day…

    have fun!

    Comment by kjr — January 19, 2006 @ 11:26 pm

  22. Love the narrative Petite,

    I’m a simple chap, and *I* think they’ll all adore you.

    My thinking works like this:

    1) They clearly like *Lover* and want him to be happy.
    2) You make him happy.
    3) See 1) and 2) above.

    The Griffin synaptic sequencer says ‘If two people are happy together, be happy for them’

    Martin
    PS Wear dungarees, give them something to think about.

    Comment by Martin — January 19, 2006 @ 11:40 pm

  23. Sheffield is actually really nice. I lived there for years and loved it. Parts of it are grim but then every city has its ugly bits. But then you’re from the north aren’t you so I guess you’re familiar with it.

    Sheffield has some lovely boozers too. Do let us know whuch ones you visit, and I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time. Yet another dimension to your relationship discovered.

    Comment by stressqueen — January 19, 2006 @ 11:49 pm

  24. Even if you do end up cremated, if you are interred, you can still have a little plaque with your epitaph on it.
    In case you really want to plan ahead, way, way ahead.
    Meanwhile, enjoy your weekend in Sheffield, a grand place!

    Comment by Ruth — January 20, 2006 @ 1:02 am

  25. “he knows who he is, and is comfortable in his own skin” – BABE!, you said it all right there …. he’s your guy, your his girl, these are friends who have stuck with him through thick and thin …. they may judge but they probably won’t do it out loud at least!

    Comment by Miss Lisa — January 20, 2006 @ 2:19 am

  26. They won’t judge, they will be amazed, excited, slightly confused and in awe. He’s doing something they have not and don’t quite understand but they’ll pull together so that you and he fit into the crcle of life that they have created because they want him in it and you are now part of that “him”. One day they’ll call to talk to you not him and it will hit that you are part of it with out really noticing how it happened. And it will feel good.

    Go to Hathersage and walk up Stanedge.

    Comment by Nicole — January 20, 2006 @ 7:21 am

  27. Who cares what other people think? (Ok I have now just void my own opinion) … but seriously, if *he* loves you for who you are, then just be yourself, and I’m sure his friends would feel the same way :)

    Comment by J — January 20, 2006 @ 8:06 am

  28. Hmmm. Should you worry that much? As long as you have your friends…His friends should probably be less important, no? Obviously, you meet them and greet them, but beyond that…is it that important? Originally, after all, they were his friends, not yours.

    Comment by dan — January 20, 2006 @ 9:45 am

  29. This TOTALLY off topic petit but if you like the clothes by “Comptoir des Cotonniers” you should try coming out to the east of Paris (RER A all the way, so there is no excuse) and go to:

    http://www.lavalleevillage.com

    They have just opened a “Comptoir des Cotonniers” discount store, there are lots of other lovelies too such as Agnes B,Zadig Voltaire, Camper and more expensive ones such as Chloe,Kenzo or Lacroix, so many bargains

    It is Tadpole proof too , as the shopping area is outside but car free and open on Sunday’s. There is a big play park at one end, so you can bribe children to walk round the shops for a ½ in the play area !

    Comment by P in France — January 20, 2006 @ 11:04 am

  30. Your derrière cannot be *that* large (or in fact large in any way at all) if you own, and plan to impress in, a pair of skinny jeans!

    Have a fab weekend. I’m prepared to bet it’ll be brill and they’ll love you.

    Comment by Susan — January 20, 2006 @ 11:39 am

  31. How are we supposed to know? We don’t know them… and we know them less than you. These aren’t things that anyone can’t be generalized. You’ll find out soon enough. And, even if they seem cold to you at first, should that matter? Surely you don’t need more ego padding!

    Btw, can I borrow Luna Park when you’re done?

    Comment by nardac — January 20, 2006 @ 12:01 pm

  32. F&ck me… I can’t write… “These are things that can’t be generalized….” pardon my french.

    Comment by nardac — January 20, 2006 @ 12:05 pm

  33. You have to remember that its you he is with now not those other women. I’m sure like you say you will probably hear about ex-wife and the rest but just take it in your stride because if he didn’t want to be with you i’m sure he wouldn’t be there. Just have fun and drink and eat lots. And be with the person you want to be with.

    Comment by Growing Up — January 20, 2006 @ 2:12 pm

  34. When you get back can we please have a full report on
    a) the true dimensions of your bum and how they may have been modified lately
    b) how many of Jim’s so-called mates supposedly in stable relationships flirted unashamedly with you and got a bollocking from their partners (I know these people).

    Comment by Parkin Pig — January 20, 2006 @ 2:37 pm

  35. I’ve recently been through the same situation – meeting my amoureux’s best friend of fifteen years and his girlfriend. Two people whose opinion he values above all others. God, I did feel the pressure!

    Fortunately (in some ways), my bf’s ex-girlfriend, as it seems, was a real bitch (I can’t say, I’ve never met her). As a result, since I did not spend the whole evening crying/having a fight with him/refusing to talk to his friends, they found me instantly wonderful.

    So I guess I’ll have to thank her if I ever meet her…

    Comment by Nan — January 20, 2006 @ 4:32 pm

  36. I hope you have a great weekend. And enjoy an extra portion of the curry/fish and chips/full breakfast for all us ex-pat Brits!

    Comment by redlady — January 20, 2006 @ 5:00 pm

  37. Petite, please, don’t panic. You can’t do as bad as I did!
    Because my present husband, fiance didn’t and still doesn’t have friends I had to meet his daughters who are at least 12 years older than me. I though so much, that I couldn’t squeese a word out the whole night, when eventualy I decided to say something the whole family started staring at me (as it was a big surprise as they probably thought I’m mute), and I chocked with strawberry ice cream. I was so ashamed of myself that I ran away to hide in the ladies, one of the daughters ran after me and found me in tears! I was so embarassed. Since then me and my step-daughters are very good friends and we go shoping together, but as everyone said before if they are his friends they will like you just because he is in love with you and once they see your charming side they won’t even notice your big rear (if it is big and if you are not exagerating!). Good luck, be smile! You are charming and don’t forget to be yourself!
    P.S. Don’t think too much.

    Comment by Carra — January 20, 2006 @ 5:00 pm

  38. that was fiance at the time. God help me! My English is terrible! I am embarassing myself again!

    Comment by Carra — January 20, 2006 @ 5:02 pm

  39. As Antipo Déesse (comment 14) says, Petite’s rear is very, erm, oh God, pert (I’ve been trying to think of an appropriate description for a while as this comment will no doubt be read by a certain 22-year old and I have to say things about 22-year olds having their good points too, just to save me from getting smacked).
    Anyway, you’ll be fine, older people have “baggage” – although I hope you’re not putting Tadpole in a suitcase – it’s part of the deal.
    And Sheffield’s fine, escept for that inner ring road which seems designed to prevent one ever getting on to the road to Baslow…

    Comment by neil — January 20, 2006 @ 5:04 pm

  40. First time I’ve been back since last September, and I’m surprised at two things: 1. That no one got my point, except Nardac, I think it was, and 2. That you are STILL self-flagellating 4 months later.
    Everyone thought I was moralizing when I never expressed any opinion at all about the relationship. In fact I fully understand how these things happen, but I don’t think it’s for me to have an opinion about that. What I do have an opinion on is the damage you’re doing to yourself by not moving on and enjoying what you have instead of stewing about how you got it. Water under the bridge. Accept it. (I don’t want to be controversial, but the subtext if I were to continue in the previous vein is it’s downright repetitious, but just overlook that because I probably won’t be back for several months, if then, and I know what everyone will say about commenting on content).

    Comment by Tess — January 20, 2006 @ 5:16 pm

  41. Sometimes thinking too much can lead you to NOT do what you really WANT to do. However, it does allow your readers to get some juicy stories out of you, so maybe thinking things over a lot isn’t such a bad thing! Good luck!

    Comment by Eric at Paris Daily Photo — January 20, 2006 @ 6:08 pm

  42. Baggage aside, there *are* advantages to meeting your soulmate later in life.

    You’ve met each other at a point in your lives where you’re reasonably sure of what you want out of life. Or at least, what you don’t want! There is less chance of your growing apart simply because you have less growing up to do.

    Friends he has now are likely to be friends who have stood the test of time and have been through ups and downs with him and stuck by him.

    I’m sure it won’t take you long to relax and enjoy the embarrassing stories. But, being an anxious sort myself (something which you’ve seen for yourself!), I can understand the nervous thing. You know it’s irrational, but sometimes it’s hard to get a handle on it.

    Comment by anxious — January 20, 2006 @ 8:50 pm

  43. To those of you who imply that I write just so that I can have my ego massaged by a truckload of adoring strangers, you misunderstand – I write to get things out of my own system, the comfort of strangers is actually not that effective, I find. I examine feelings which I find interesting, and for kicks – I enjoy trying to pin down the mots justes which accurately sum up a particular state of mind.

    And repetitive, Tess? It’s only been a few months since this big change in my life, and I reserve the right to soul search for as long as I feel the need. Obviously whether you drop in to read it is entirely up to you…

    Comment by petite — January 20, 2006 @ 9:30 pm

  44. It’s kind of comforting to know that we all seem to have nervous feelings to a greater or lesser degree when meeting friends/family of the new love for the first time. Step by step I’m going throught the same and I always stew for a day or two!!!

    Bon courage.

    Comment by Keith — January 20, 2006 @ 9:56 pm

  45. Dear Bumpy,

    Don’t be grumpy. I just think you worry far too much, and you deserve better than to waste your time recycling insecurities. There’s so many other things in the world to capture fancy and imagination than worrying about something you can’t control. And, you know your legion of fans are going to comment on it so it seems unfair.., both from any need to be objective, and to the people you are about to meet. To quote Stan Lee, with great power comes great responsibility. Be strong!

    And… I am taking liberties but, if there’s one thing that’s useful about your relationship with Lover, I know you can’t slag me for assuming I know you only through the blog.

    Comment by nardac — January 20, 2006 @ 11:53 pm

  46. Dear You, I think you are being far, FAR too hard on yourself. Your relationship may have been born from the ruins of another but who hasn’t been there? INmany respects, what relationship ISN’T in some way born from the ruins of another?

    Will they be concerned about hjow it all came about? I’d stake money on the idea that far from it – they’ll be dying to meet the woman who thinks so highly of their friend that she is preparing to uproot both herself and her daughter for him.

    My guess is they will adore you, you will be a hit and it will bring you both closer together.

    Just a few thoughts from a passing blog newbie. Love your site by the way – and, good luck!!!

    Sean

    Comment by Sean — January 21, 2006 @ 2:49 am

  47. good luck with the meet-up. i have encountered people who are jealous of their friends’ new partners, but less and less as we all get older – am sure that won’t be the case here.

    by the way, in American English “glad rags” also means the little sponge you can use instead of a tampon, if you prefer…not festive clothing…so i had a real double-take in paragraph one!

    Comment by mmf! — January 21, 2006 @ 12:16 pm

  48. A few months? Eight perhaps? Okay, I accept writing is therapeutic, I just wonder why you allow comments. I was wondering if in fact you don’t feel guilty at all but thought you should and were hoping for condemnation by using the word adultress so often, when to my knowledge only one reader has, and that was done tongue-in-cheek, I suspect.
    Okay, if it’s to get it out of your system that makes sense. These things take time, but since it’s an exercise for your benefit and not for anyone reading, I shan’t.

    Comment by Tess — January 21, 2006 @ 2:23 pm

  49. By the way, if you aren’t looking for approval, criticism, or comfort, why do it in public online? People have kept private journals for centuries.

    Comment by Tess — January 21, 2006 @ 2:41 pm

  50. And one final thing: there is some inconsistency between saying you don’t care who knows and then worrying about what people think (that they will judge you). This was why I was advocating discretion before. Not from a moral high horse as Jim claimed, but from experience. But then you don’t want advice, so as my grandmother said, “If you can’t listen you have to feel.”
    That’s all from me.

    Comment by Tess — January 21, 2006 @ 2:56 pm

  51. Quite obviously, Petite sees the benefit of a comments box/public forum. She met her Lover through that medium, didn’t she? Seeing as this relationship is going so well that she is now meeting his friends, I might even venture to say that it was worth the criticism.

    Comment by Skorky — January 21, 2006 @ 7:54 pm

  52. No. 50. Tess – “That’s all from me.”

    Good. Hope you stick to your word.

    Comment by Jude — January 22, 2006 @ 12:32 am

  53. I had a similar situation.

    The first time my (now) wife met my friends was at our engagement party in England. She’s from the US. Although we’d spent 9 months talking over that there interweb, in reality we’d only spent less than a week in each other’s company and everyone knew it. Poor girl had to deal with about 100 people, friends and family, pretty much all for the first time, all in one go.

    Their reaction ? They all liked her, but then they wanted to. Sure a couple of people I was particularly close to were a little suspicious, but that’s… well, that’s close female friends for you.

    Ultimately they’ll all probably look at it the same way : he’s a decent person and, thus, he’s not about to hook up with some barmy floozy, so you must be a pretty person to.

    Go to Sheffield, go enjoy yourself, and if you can tell me where I can find a decent curry in Florida I’d appreciate it.

    Pete

    Comment by SideshowPete — January 22, 2006 @ 3:39 am

  54. All that is necessary for your weekend to be a success, Petite, is for you to remember that Jims’ friends are all HUMAN. No one has the right to judge you because of the circumstances under which you met or otherwise. Are you assuming that everyone whom you will meet is of such impeccable manners and moral character that you cannot possibly live up to the expectations that you are assuming them to have?

    If this is the case, all that does is put an enormous amount of pressure on you to conform to behavior that you think will be acceptable to them and may cause Jim to feel that he has to “protect” you,consciously or not.

    Please remember that his friends ARE his friends because they know and love him – they trust his judgement(the ONLY one that matters!)enough to want to meet YOU – YOU, who are THE woman in his life!!

    Remember your:

    strength,beauty,wisdom,love,compassion,humour and

    seriously negligent underpants!

    Wishing you Seriously negligent weekend!!

    Comment by Belle — January 22, 2006 @ 7:10 am

  55. Tess seems to know a lot about Petite, despite supposedly not having visited since September. Obviously they have acquaintances in common. Surely personal grudges are best dealt with on a personal level. What’s the problem – did Petite do better academically or socially than you, Tess? Get over it! Petite is sometimes accused of ‘nombrilisme’ yet you expect people to remeber/care about your comments from 4 months ago. Petite, whom I do not know from the proverbial Adam, will have to take it on trust, that it’s extemely rare for me to be able to say:’de quoi je mèle’ with a straight face. Petite can write what she wants, when she wants, and does not need permission from those of us who enjoy popping in for an update. It’s a free country – another first – first time I’ve said that about France. Hope this comment isn’t counter-productive!

    Comment by J — January 22, 2006 @ 1:36 pm

  56. I think it takes a lot of courage to write so openly and honestly about your life Petite and I admire you for doing so and enjoy reading your posts

    This is your blog, you write what you chose and people can love it or leave it

    it’s easy to criticise and condemn but often when we do so the person we condemn most harshly is ourselves

    Comment by Julia — January 23, 2006 @ 5:59 pm

  57. crickey! Tess is just plain NASTY! And PATRONISING! Petite, write what you like – I, and most others, will have our opinion – we may share it online, we may not – but I’m sure most of us realise that our ‘knowledge’ of you is necessarily limited by the fact that it’s an online medium, we don’t (well most of us) actually know you … and even if we did, who’s to say we’d know any more than you let us in on here?

    Comment by Miss Lisa — January 24, 2006 @ 3:15 am

  58. crickey, as Miss Lisa says, it is the Tuesday after and you are keeping us on tenterhooks, Petite. Take pity and tell us all.

    Comment by Angie — January 24, 2006 @ 1:51 pm

  59. Tess wrote:

    “That’s all from me.”

    Don’t let the door hit your bum on the way out………

    Comment by Dave of the Lake — January 24, 2006 @ 3:22 pm


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