I had the most wonderful, sensual, exciting, beautiful weekend. I felt so incredibly alive. Awakened. As though until now I had been merely sleepwalking through my life.
Now, back in Paris, back at my desk, nose streaming with a summer cold that manifested itself on the train journey home, I wish I didn’t feel like I simply dreamed it all.
I wish that Mr Frog hadn’t been sick this morning and bombarded me with distressing emails all day. I feel his pain, but I think I am the last person who can help.
It seems that there can be no happiness without guilt and remorse. No pleasure without anguish.
It almost feels like I’m being punished. Divine retribution.
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petite anglaise 
Tease! Now I really wonder what you’ve been up to.
Comment by céline — June 13, 2005 @ 5:26 pm
Train journey home indeed! Eurostar? TGV? The suspense is killing but don’t tell all yet.
Send his e-mails on to his mum.
Comment by Parkin Pig — June 13, 2005 @ 5:36 pm
#Don’t dream it’s over :-)
Hope you’re feeling better soon.
Comment by Sierra — June 13, 2005 @ 6:02 pm
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! Don’t do this, Petite. It is one thing to say you had a beautiful weekend and now life is back to life, quite another to start feeling guilty. You have not done anything intentionally. If you had bumped Mr. Frog off or something, then you would have a good reason to feel guilty, but you didn’t, so don’t. Life changes and we have to roll with those changes. It will all be fine.
Comment by Leslie — June 13, 2005 @ 7:20 pm
You’re being a tease, petite…WE.WANT.DETAILS.
Comment by sammy — June 13, 2005 @ 7:20 pm
This reminds me when my wife left me a few years ago, telling me she needed time by herself to find herself back. She had forgotten to mention that her quest had begun a few weeks earlier, complete with the new love of her life, but hey, details, details… Unfortunately, her newly found happiness lasted less than two months… Her new beau had told her he needed time to find himself back. Details, details… C’est la vie!
Comment by jacques — June 13, 2005 @ 9:30 pm
Kind of like going out and having fun as a parent. The thought is always in the back of your mind that there will be a price to pay when you get back. That means you might as well enjoy the time to the fullest and then move on as quickly as you can when you get home. :)
Comment by Bob — June 13, 2005 @ 9:30 pm
That’s what trains do to you……take the plane!!
Comment by fella — June 13, 2005 @ 9:43 pm
Divine retribution… pffff
I don’t even believe you. ;)
Comment by schuey — June 14, 2005 @ 1:54 am
I feel your confusion. It is hard when you are moving on but sad at what you have lost, elated at what might be. Trying hard not to be happy, unable to be anything but happy.
Someone once told me that only you know if it is worth it and then you live your life with that choice, so you enjoy it while it lasts, it might be for weeks hopefully it is forever.
Comment by Nicole — June 14, 2005 @ 3:53 am
OK …can we AT LEAST know WHERE you went??? The curisosity is killing me!
I think I know how you feel. When it happened to me (spending time with somebody else when I left my husband)I felt 10 years younger. I felt I had found myself back. Even though it didn’t last with this charming guy, it was so worth it, being able to feel this way. 7 years down the track it is still a beautiful and exciting memory. Enjoy it without guilt Petite.
Comment by Maurine au bout du monde — June 14, 2005 @ 4:00 am
oh flippity floo! don’t ask for mercy after you shag all weekend.
Comment by nardac — June 14, 2005 @ 4:18 am
Not divine retribution, just good old human emotion. The trouble with being fully able to experience the emotional highs is it means you’re also fully able to experience the emotional lows. But you can’t have one without the other, and the highs will come around again; they always do. Hang in there!
Comment by Zinnia Cyclamen — June 14, 2005 @ 7:46 am
Go back to sleepwalking. You are making me jealous. Seriously though, good for you.
Comment by Germain — June 14, 2005 @ 11:16 am
Karma can be a bitch. :(
Comment by cass — June 14, 2005 @ 10:00 pm
Hi Petite, I have been having problems posting comments to your site. This is another test. Will keep trying. Best wishes.
Comment by Angie — June 16, 2005 @ 11:32 pm