I also hate VD.
One girl at my school, Z, received four or five anonymous cards, year in and year out. Along with several red roses and boxes of chocolates. She somehow managed to meet and go out with mysterious older men, in addition to holding most of the boys in our school year enthralled. I was sweet sixteen and still waiting for that elusive first kiss, which wasn’t forthcoming until I was almost seventeen. How insanely jealous I was of Z at the time: what was it that she had that I didn’t? How unreasonable of her to monopolise the attentions of at least five boys at once!
All I had come to expect from Valentine’s day was a Thorntons’ chocolate heart-shaped lollypop (anonymously posted with a Dundee postmark, where, by a stroke of coincidence, my father had been working the previous week.) And a feeling of bitter disappointment that there was no hopelessly romantic (New Order fan) and potential soulmate harbouring a secret crush on me.
Going through some odds and ends that I left at my parents’ house (safe from my own tendency to ruthlessly throw things away only to regret my haste once the dustbin men have been and gone), I happened upon three diaries written by a teenage petite. I re-read a few sample entries, cringing at the melodramatic tone, but strangely nostalgic for the intensity of adolescent emotions. I was also flabbergasted at how much I had since forgotten, given how earth-shatteringly important the events seemed to me at the time.
I re-discovered, for example, that when my first ‘proper’ boyfriend asked me out, he did so on the last day of comprehensive school before we left for Sixth Form College. The end of an era. Everyone was autographing one another’s school uniform shirts with felt-tipped pens and the large-nosed, undeserving object of my unrequited affections for the entire school year signed my white shirt, adding ‘will you go out with me?’ I let him sweat a bit, before adding ‘yes!’ in the space below. He walked me home after school that day. But I was too shy to let him kiss me straight away: embarrassed and worried that I’d be no good at it.
I turned my bedroom upside down after reading that entry, eventually to emerge triumphantly brandishing the shirt. There it was, written orange on white for the whole world to see. I’m amazed that I could possibly have consigned a landmark memory like that to my personal recycle bin.
I read on and learned that my first ‘proper’ kiss ever occurred in a graveyard, at night. I do have a vague recollection of a clumsy clash of teeth, tongues and noses, and that this occurred outdoors, but I had no memory whatsoever of that graveyard.
Which is why I’m consigning it to the interwebnet today, lest I ever re-forget.
As for Valentine’s day 2005, suffice to say that I received my Thornton’s chocolate heart (York postmark). And Tadpole even got one too.
I sent one of these. Can you guess which one?
about
books
press
fbk
petite anglaise 
Is it the hypocrite one?
This site is good for a few minutes of amusement as well: http://www.acme.com/heartmaker/
Comment by Nigel M. — February 14, 2005 @ 4:32 pm
I thought that too, but was a bit scared to suggest it :shock:
Comment by witho — February 14, 2005 @ 4:33 pm
I burnt all my teenage diaries in a fit of huge embarassment sometime in my twenties, when I learned that my sister had been reading them the whole time I was writing them….
and, petite, your dad’s a star!
Comment by vitriolica — February 14, 2005 @ 4:33 pm
I’m eager to see if Mr. Frog sends you the “stop talking about your wedding” one!
And it seems as if we were both bitten by the same bug today, as I to went into a rant about my first romance. Let’s hope many other people join in as well, with stories far, far more embarrassing than ours!
Comment by kim — February 14, 2005 @ 4:48 pm
and thanks for the linkinho too, you sweetie!
Comment by vitriolica — February 14, 2005 @ 5:06 pm
Great link! I’ve already humiliated six people. NEXT!
Comment by Ria — February 14, 2005 @ 5:08 pm
Gosh they’re almost funny enough to make me wish I wasn’t single with nobody to send one to. (Thank you, I have all the self-pity I can handle!)
Comment by Jim in Rennes — February 14, 2005 @ 5:15 pm
Valentine’s Day had not even impinged on my consciousness until I dropped in here. At school, however, it was a different matter altogether. I never once received a card from a secret admirer, nor did I have a boyfriend until the summer holidays prior to moving away from home to start university. As a swot this lack of positive attention was merely another sign of my ostracism. What pained me was not so much that I hankered after a male appendage (of any variety :wink:) as that the absence of one denoted failure, lower status, the lack of popularity (of which I was all too aware). My best friend made matters worse by handing over a home made effort, claiming it had been handed over to her by one of the boys on the bus. The gales of laughter and derision that followed when the truth was revealed were almost unbearable. For a witty anti-Valentine post, see http://offkilter.blogspot.com/ I take it the illustration shows the French equivalent of Love Hearts?
Comment by Chameleon — February 14, 2005 @ 9:03 pm
I’m betting it was “I’d rather have good cuppa than a bad shag”.:twisted:
What’s the prize for the genius who guesses correctly?
Comment by Antipo Déesse — February 14, 2005 @ 11:54 pm
well so far no-one has, but we’ll see…
although I did nearly go for the hypocrite option!
Comment by petite — February 15, 2005 @ 12:03 am
You guys just weren’t paying attention. I’m guessing it was the ‘uprooted plantlife and sugar-saturated caffeinated fat blocks’ option?
I never went out with anyone during high school. Everyone joked that i was ‘one of those’. The first day we were officially out of school, i went to my first party. A male model showed up and for some reason (probably pity) asked if he could please accompany me to my grad.
When my schoolmates sidled up to ask if this was my ‘cousin’, Ben answered that we had been going together for a long time, looking deeply into my eyes. Everything was perfect. He even danced with my mother.
A few weeks later, i heard that he’d been arrested by the police for molesting a young girl on the playground. A pity. If anyone had asked me, i would have said that he was a perfect gentleman!
And yes, i’m still a dork.
Comment by anan — February 15, 2005 @ 3:44 am
Cute Valentines Day cards.
You might like these too.
Or this one, but only if you also like Quentin Tarantino.
Comment by Anna — February 15, 2005 @ 11:16 am
I’m guessing that you sent the “I Know” card.
Comment by Anna — February 15, 2005 @ 11:31 am
Anagram?
Comment by Zinnia Cyclamen — February 15, 2005 @ 12:10 pm
no, not the anagram one.
this may be the moment to confess that I took about 3 months to work out that real e fun was an anagram.
Comment by petite — February 15, 2005 @ 1:02 pm
The one about the wedding ?
Comment by Meoww — February 15, 2005 @ 3:14 pm
Was it
Fat. Naked. Dangerous.
That was my first choice.
Comment by Ria — February 15, 2005 @ 4:44 pm
Happy Monday – bet it was that one.
Comment by Rachel — February 15, 2005 @ 6:56 pm
The consumerist one?
Comment by Maurine au bout du monde — February 16, 2005 @ 1:21 am
yes.
I guess I’m not quite as predictable as you think.
Incidentally I got a card (!) and red tulips (!!) from Mr Frog. It just goes to show that you can change someone, if you are patient enough.
Although 8 years for 1 bunch of flowers = slow progress.
Comment by petite — February 16, 2005 @ 10:27 am
well I got an expensive jar of pesto! (no, I really LIKE pesto)
Comment by vitriolica — February 16, 2005 @ 1:42 pm