If the Frog ever utters the word ‘bag’, I now know that it is wise to run for cover immediately.
I learnt this the hard way.
It was four in the morning back in the year 4BT (Before Tadpole) and I was sleeping peacefully. The Frog had been to one of his soirées with his advertising agency clan. Whenever they are involved, ‘dinner’ means ‘not home before dawn’.
I was woken by a fumbling noise at the front door and muffled swearing as keys were dropped. The Frog then stumbled around the flat in the dark, probably trying not to wake me up, but about as subtle as a herd of stampeding buffalo. I pretended to be asleep, as I was not in the mood for slurred conversation. The stench of alcohol preceded him into the bedroom, and as he clambered into bed, he mumbled something. I caught only the word ‘grappa’.
Just as I started to drift back off to sleep, slowly becoming inebriated myself in the 90% proof air, the Frog made a strange coughing noise. He lifted his head up off the pillow, and then said ‘baaag?!!’ in a strangled voice. And I think you know what happened next…
I do not enjoy changing the bedclothes and washing down the walls at 4am but sometimes it is a necessity. I also hosed down the Frog in a (cold) shower. Revenge is sweet.
Two things occur to me about his exclamation with the benefit of hindsight:
First of all, who did he think he was talking to? An air hostess? Perhaps I should have a pocket fitted onto the headboard with an in-flight magazine and a paper bag for emergencies? A drop down oxygen mask for myself might also come in handy.
Secondly, and most surprising of all, is the fact that the word which sprang to his alchohol-addled mind was not ‘saaac’. Only rarely have I hurt myself and said ‘aiiee!’ instead of ‘ouch’. It’s like a reflex : that kind of interjection usually comes out in the mother tongue.
But I must admit I do sometimes come out with an ‘oh là là ‘ of astonishment. On those grounds alone I think I should be awarded French nationality.
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Gross, you had to clean up grappavomit? Euuuggh!
Comment by PPQ — October 8, 2004 @ 12:15 pm
eugh. the last time my kids got a tummy bug, they both vomitted over my head. oddly enough, I then got the tummy bug. which was nice.
maybe “baaaaag” is just the old french word for “barf” or “hughie”.
YOU DO NOT SAY oo lá lá!!! I do not believe you! :o
My significant-other-life-partner has a cousin who’s a policeman. He was telling us the other day that when the Euro2004 footie was on, a load of them got sent to Albufeira to deal with the english fans/hoolies. He had a colleague whose kept shouting “Oh my God!” at the rioting morons. On their way home the colleague who had been shouting it wildly at english people all night asked the cousin..”what does “oh my god” mean?
Comment by vitriolica — October 8, 2004 @ 4:25 pm
Oh là lÃ
not oooh laa laaa
that wouldn’t do at all.
Comment by petite anglaise — October 8, 2004 @ 5:27 pm
thank god for that!
Comment by vitriolica — October 8, 2004 @ 6:38 pm
I find myself shaking my head in despair saying “n’importe quoi” – do you think that qualifies for French nationality too?
Comment by lauren — October 8, 2004 @ 6:44 pm
Bof…
Comment by witho — October 8, 2004 @ 7:01 pm
Lots of shoulder shrugging must also be incorporated into your repertoire of expressions if you want citizenship.
Comment by Nigel M. — October 8, 2004 @ 7:38 pm
I also pout with my angelina jolie lips to great effect
Comment by petite — October 8, 2004 @ 9:33 pm
I did that – puked. But I didn’t have a lovely to clean it up … so I slept in it. All night. Then threw the sheets away the following morning.
Comment by andre — October 9, 2004 @ 1:18 am
Hello! I found your diary through Messy Christian, and thought I’d just drop a note and tell you that your diary is lovely! I especially like the picture at the bottom of the navigation bar. God bless!
Comment by Charlene — October 9, 2004 @ 2:52 am
putain ….
i tend to sleep-talk in frog, and the Twat once had the audacity to tell me that he didn’t know what i was saying and could i please speak in english ? and i did!
nom de dieu and all that.
Comment by zed — October 10, 2004 @ 5:34 pm
ai, meu deus! Bolas! andre, that’s HORRIBLE!
I WANT ANGELINA JOLIE LIPS!
Comment by vitriolica — October 11, 2004 @ 10:07 am
:idea:Maybe he was dreaming about the huge diamond engagement ring he is about to offer you- he wasn’t saying “baaag” but “baaague”:grin:
Comment by Suziboo — October 11, 2004 @ 11:54 am
he he
nice thought Suziboo but I doubt it
Comment by petite anglaise — October 11, 2004 @ 3:44 pm
Vomiting would be the appropriate reaction once you start thinking about how sickeningly expensive diamond rings are.
Comment by Nigel M. — October 12, 2004 @ 5:03 pm
Diamonds Nigel? I never intend to get engaged.
Why on earth would anyone do that after living together for eons?
Comment by petite — October 12, 2004 @ 7:43 pm
What? You would pass up a legitimate opportunity to get a diamond ring out of Mr. Frog? Petite, I can only admire your integrity and lack of materialism. Unless, of course, you already have so much bling bling that *another* rock would just give you a headache wondering where to put it as all ten fingers are already populated by lots of gold :eek:
Perhaps this would explain the FF’s jealousy towards you (image of Petite strolling into the office clad in more jewellery than Mr. T.)?
Comment by Suziboo — October 20, 2004 @ 1:40 pm