petite anglaise

1. I am a card carrying member of the Famous Five Fan club.
2. My father is a morris dancer. It has taken me 25 years to “come out”.
3. My sisters have ginger hair.
4. I don’t.
5. I attended Doreen’s School of Dancing in Leighton Buzzard.
6. The first record I ever owned was Boney M Night flight to Venus.
7. My skirt was so short when I left the Brownies that I couldn’t wear the belt.
8. I used to send letters to Barney Sumner of New Order. But Peter Hook replied.
9. I mourn the demise of The Face magazine. It told me what to like.
10. I have never ever had a one-night stand that was any good.
11. I am open-minded about non-prescription medication,
12. but wary of alcohol, as I have a tendency to black out and regret the outcome.
13. I laugh out loud on public transport if I remember something funny,
14. but I rarely laugh in front of the TV or at the cinema.
15. My parents wouldn’t let me have a lock on my bedroom door,
16. consequently sex as a teenager was always fully clothed. (Sorry mum, dad, for the TMI overload).
17. I was a 13 yr old Elite narcotics trader and galactic fugitive.
18. I’m often mistaken for a French person these days. Is that a compliment?
19. My Tadpole is Frenglish: loves baked beans, but shrugs and pouts.
20. I was brought up on Rowntrees misshapes. Kit Kats without wafers were a personal favourite.
21. I discovered clubbing in my final year of university; chose Sasha over a first.
22. I’ve worked with so many posh people that I speak RP,
23. but my northern accent makes a lightning comeback when on the phone to my mum.
24. I am often blissfully unaware of world events, but I do read popbitch.
25. I always count on my fingers.
26. I have never owned a sex toy. I fell in love with France aged 11, despite never having tasted a croissant.
27. My favourite parts of my body are my feet and my ears.
28. Nobody wanted me on their team in school sports.
29. I met Mr frog on someone else’s blind date, in the Café Charbon. I met Lover in the Café Charbon too. Hope that place never closes down…
30. My favourite place in the world (so far) is Sicily.
31. I can’t whistle or click my fingers.
32. When asked to describe me, several (supposedly) good friends used the word “demanding”.
33. My agent wooed me by emailing me a very funny 33 things list of his own.
34. I never know where to put myself when someone pays me a compliment.
35. Tadpole’s real nickname is ‘sausage’. Don’t ask me where that came from.
36. I collect interesting lights. My favourites are this Artimede Pallade and my faithful Jielde.
37. I’m 37. Ouch.