petite anglaise

July 26, 2007

snap

Filed under: misc — petiteanglaise @ 11:05 am

When I meet someone special, someone I can conceive of being with not just next month, but far, far beyond, the initial euphoria invariably begins to mingle with a morbid fear of capsizing the boat. “Please don’t let me fuck this up” becomes my mantra.

It’s a vicious, vicious circle, because this terror breeds a pathetic neediness. And neediness is the biggest turn off; the thing most likely to send any man/boy running at top speed in the opposite direction. So mostly I try to conceal it, to shrug it off, to pretend that it’s not there. As one of my commenters once said, “you have to hide your crazy”.

But when he shows up, exhausted, and looks straight through me, oblivious to the efforts I’ve made (new underwear, freshly washed hair, discreet make up), throws himself down on the couch and closes his eyes, something inside me withers. “You’ve been spending so much time together lately that look, he’s taking you for granted already,” the demon on my left shoulder hisses into my ear. “He’d rather you weren’t there at all,” he adds for good measure. “You might as well just go home…” My lower lip begins to wobble. I hate myself for being so weak and contemptible.

I have had a stressful day, I tell myself. A procedure at the doctor’s. Some family friction which has been preying on my mind for weeks. A final deadline on my manuscript. So of course, there are other, legitimate reasons why I can, almost should be feeling wobbly right now.

I leave the room, fetch myself a glass of water, stare blankly out of the kitchen window into the night, willing myself to relax, pleading with the demon to leave me in peace. I don’t want to cause some sort of ridiculous, pointless scene. I don’t want to be a neurotic, over-sensitive, nightmare bitch from hell. Please don’t let me fuck this up.

“Honey,” he calls from the sofa, “okay if I play a game on the computer for half an hour?”

Something inside me snaps.

143 Comments

  1. Does he know about this blog?

    Comment by Caroline in Rome — July 26, 2007 @ 11:09 am

  2. You know yourself so well that any advice will probably just sound lame and patronising (not my intention at all) but try not to be so hard on yourself – or on your Boy. Sometimes the best thing is just to focus on the present, try to make the most of the moment and let the future take care of itself. Sounds like you’re under considerable stress, might be a good idea to confide in the Boy. I’m sure he would be understanding and once you let off steam, it will be easier….
    I hope everything is OK.

    Comment by happyforyou — July 26, 2007 @ 11:21 am

  3. The simple fact he asks is sweet, would think the little angel on your other shoulder…

    (I really know what you mean, I felt like this before, hated it)

    Comment by Koa, french Frog — July 26, 2007 @ 11:26 am

  4. Reverse psychology, coupledom, tiredness and persistent questioning… always difficult, even in marriage.

    Preserving independence and making specific time for intimacy usually works out as a good solution. Too much time together can be a passion killer.

    Good luck working it out. Transparency has always been my strategy, and generally it’s worked out well.

    Comment by Fruey (Let's Have It) — July 26, 2007 @ 11:29 am

  5. Did you give him a bollocking? or did you “humph” an indignant hairflick and squeeze out – ‘of course chou chou’? Grown up men and computer games and/or playstation hold bad memories for me and that would’ve made me very tetchy.

    Comment by gucci — July 26, 2007 @ 11:35 am

  6. Oh Petite, I hope that you are OK. The Yorkshire Dales would do you the world of good…lots of luck with the manuscript.
    :)

    Comment by Anne — July 26, 2007 @ 11:45 am

  7. You know he’s probably just as nervous about it all as you. It might not be that he’s taking you for granted, but rather that you are someone special enough that he can simply just be in the same space as you without having to perform. You don’t have to be his mother, but we all want a sanctuary from time to time and its very special when the woman in your life is that.

    Comment by Andy — July 26, 2007 @ 12:02 pm

  8. i do this too … the fear of messing up something great can often turn me into a tearful neurotic that no man in their right mind would want to be with!!
    we are so silly but thats the way girls are made … luckily i have now found a man who brushes my tears aside, kisses my forehead and makes it all ok …

    you will find your guy.

    Comment by hocketsticks — July 26, 2007 @ 12:07 pm

  9. I hope the whiplash from your snap doesn’t damage you

    Because you are the more important person in any relationship with boy/man (Hmmm… what defines the difference?).

    You will note I don’t care too much if the whiplash hurts him?
    :-)

    Hugs.

    Comment by Brennig — July 26, 2007 @ 12:09 pm

  10. I can understand that completely- when mine gets home- chucks his clothes on the floor, jumps in the shower and then gets straight in bed snoring, i sit next to him in my brand new slip- with perfect hair, make up that took me half an hour to get “natural” and perfectly smooth legs fuming. i normally cough VERY loudly and shuffle all night in bed to wake him up! (or get my boobs out- normally does the trick)

    Comment by Eliza — July 26, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

  11. Forgive me for the complete generalisation here but isn’t he just being a bloke? They don’t tend to notice the smaller efforts we make. I know my husband’s take on this would be ‘but he came home to her, doesn’t that show her how much he cares?’ Macro v micro viewpoint?

    But I don’t know more about this situation than what you’ve chosen to share above so maybe there’s more to this here… and maybe I don’t expect enough – there’s a thought!

    L

    Comment by Lorna — July 26, 2007 @ 12:46 pm

  12. Oh.my.god.

    We have ALL been there!

    I hope the snap wasn’t too “snappy” if you know what I mean :)

    Comment by Kasey — July 26, 2007 @ 12:46 pm

  13. I think he know about this blog,
    and he probably reads it …

    Comment by selavy — July 26, 2007 @ 12:47 pm

  14. That guy doesn’t seem to realise which side his bread is buttered.

    Comment by Maalie — July 26, 2007 @ 12:57 pm

  15. men need their own space petite dear, space to laze around and play computer games, although preferably this should be space for which they pay the rent, ideally in a different arrondissement

    Comment by Rilly Super — July 26, 2007 @ 12:59 pm

  16. … and feels like shit right now

    Comment by selavy — July 26, 2007 @ 1:01 pm

  17. Petite, I’m worried. Last year, after Lover, there was a guy on the scene whom you were seeing but who wouldn’t commit – is this the same person? (Forgive me if I haven’t been following the string of events very well.)

    I know lots of your commenters will think it’s really boring to suggest that you need someone reliable and will shout me down, but after all you’ve been through…

    Maybe he was just tired, and playing computer games is no ominous sign in itself. But I do think the right person wouldn’t be making you feel as if you had to tread on eggshells and wouldn’t be making you feel needy.

    You need to be with someone you can be yourself with, not someone you have to maintain some sort of facade with out of fear of stepping out of line in some way and “capsizing the boat”. If that’s the deal then he’s very much in charge, and how long could a relationship like that be bearable, whatever the initial frisson?

    Comment by old school friend — July 26, 2007 @ 1:07 pm

  18. Love the cliff-hanger ending!
    I so remember the feelings you describe! I thought I grew out of my insecurity but then again I’ve been with my Beloved for 8 years….if I was single again I imagine it’d be lurking.
    Perhaps a change of mantra: ‘I am hot, successful and sexy!’

    Comment by Bianca — July 26, 2007 @ 1:08 pm

  19. “okay if I play a game on the computer for half an hour?”

    Not it’s not, just kick this moron out of your place. Come on, what kind of a guy is that, I’m as much computer-addicted as one can get, but I’d still never do that. Not that gaming sucks, but it’s not that hard to refrain from doing it when your SO is around.

    Comment by Guillaume — July 26, 2007 @ 1:26 pm

  20. Enough of the boyfriend bashing!

    This post was supposed to be about how full of ridiculous neuroses I am, how close to pressing the relationship self-destruct button I can get for no good reason, how a situation can be perceived differently by two people,

    not about any theoretical shortcomings my boyfriend might have.

    He is lovely, and I won’t have a word said against him.

    Comment by petite — July 26, 2007 @ 1:31 pm

  21. He makes you snap, but I happen to know that he also makes you crackle and pop and squeal and WASH YOUR HAIR.

    These, to my mind, are all very good things.

    He adores you.

    Comment by Le Meg — July 26, 2007 @ 1:34 pm

  22. I soooooo agree with Guillaume on this point! If the boy wants “his space”, if he wants to “decompress” and “play games”, he can do it at his own place, on his own computer. He is there to be with you or not?

    Comment by Magda — July 26, 2007 @ 1:35 pm

  23. Which computer game?

    Comment by Mr Angry — July 26, 2007 @ 1:40 pm

  24. How does he know what you feel, if he can’t feel it? How does he know what you see, if he can’t see it? How does he know what you hear, if he can’t say it?

    Your a writer, you need to talk, to express, to be read, to be acknowledged. But like everybody, you want to be wanted. Such a simply concept, but so difficult to convey. And anyway, what do you really need? Admiration? Consent? Agreement? To feel loved?

    Or, are you just chasing something, that at the moment, you cannot catch? Oh, and the demons; listen to them, let them out, articulate your thoughts, else in the long run, they will surely imprison you. Free your mind, else he may never find the true you…

    And after all that, go play with him (on the computer! Joystick optional!) ;)

    Comment by Steve... — July 26, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

  25. Petite, is that really you at number 20? As I am sure he does read this blog (how could he know you and not know this blog), that feels like the end of the ‘snap’. The interesting bit would be to know what happened in-between, but I guess that is between you and him. Good luck.

    Comment by Jeremy — July 26, 2007 @ 1:46 pm

  26. Petite,
    you describe the feeling so well, and I think all women can relate to it, that feeling of that “had he only known about my day”, then he’d notice my efforts, show up behind me in the kitchen, place a warm hand between my shoulder blades and utter a comforting word…I guess what we do forget is that we don’t have the information on HIS day either.

    Comment by kajsa — July 26, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

  27. Umm… Petite, you are a wonderful writer but you’re kind of a mess, aren’t you? From what I can tell from this blog, you’ve got such a full life – many people are, I am sure, quite envious of your book contract, gorgeous child, Paris life, etc. – so take a deep breath and stand tall. You’re a great person – as you are – ie, you don’t need to party like a 20 year-old or dress like a vixen.

    One of the problems women tend to get into is that they assume everything a man says is full of meaning about them. That’s just narcisstic thinking – most men aren’t so devious!

    Breathe deeply Petite. You’re a woman many men would love to be with.

    Comment by EB-B — July 26, 2007 @ 2:18 pm

  28. Petite, I don’t think you are being neurotic at all (I’m sure all the women reading this can relate to your feelings) and your bloke is being a typical bloke. They won’t notice how much effort you’ve put into your appearance unless you are wearing next to nothing and high heels. Next time say – I’ve had a pretty sh*tty day, how was yours?

    Comment by Karen — July 26, 2007 @ 2:19 pm

  29. I don’t see any “boyfriend bashing” – just a few words of genuine concern in response to the facts we were given. If everything is fine then that’s fine.

    Comment by old school friend — July 26, 2007 @ 2:23 pm

  30. Petite, I’d rather say that your neurosis is wanting to keep him in spite of the fact that you don’t feel comfortable with him (as you so eloquently describe). It’s also thinking that what you feel should be dimissed as ridiculous, even though telling him that you have a problem with him not caring enough about you is a darn frickin’ legitimate thing to say.

    Comment by Guillaume — July 26, 2007 @ 2:32 pm

  31. I normally lurk, but I can’t believe no one has asked this… Was the new underwear – er – visible? Because if you still had your clothes on, he can’t be expected to notice. On the other hand, if you’re walking around starkers and he’d still rather play video games… well, that’s a different story.

    Comment by amy — July 26, 2007 @ 2:47 pm

  32. Re: 20

    It isn’t neuroses it’s ego. How dare he not genuflect at the font of your greatness. He didn’t perform to your high expectation of how an ordinary mortal should act in your presence.

    You’re a special child indeed but with that specialness can come a raging sense of self worth (for all your self-deprecating humor) that needs to be addressed in order to have a relationship that doesn’t revolve around “how you’re treated” but around actual communication.

    Comment by Woody — July 26, 2007 @ 2:52 pm

  33. Guillaume, I was just going to say the same thing. That’s just not on. In 8 years of marriage, I never did such a thing. And I don’t think I will. Sharing a glass of wine would be such a nicer thing to do.

    Comment by Boris — July 26, 2007 @ 2:53 pm

  34. Give him time, give yourself time.
    He rushed around just to be with you, then needed to switch off. It’s not a big deal. We’ve all done it, and at least he asked rather than just being grumpy

    Don’t sweat, don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s the “getting used to seeing each other lots” period.

    I hope it goes well.

    Comment by Moses — July 26, 2007 @ 2:54 pm

  35. I ventured into your blog about a week ago, and received an astoundingly well worked put-down of 1450 kilometres (ta muchly, Oxo). But on reading this, sadly, I felt that number is not so much diminished.

    Albeit a different approach, but the question remains, as implied: ‘1 Corinthians XIII. 11’?

    Comment by Tom — July 26, 2007 @ 3:23 pm

  36. You know, I’ve been married for 33 years, and I think you’ve got to get to the shit and see what happens. Obviously, it’s not great if you get bogged down in it and it becomes a pattern of tension-release-makeupsex, but it’s part of a real relationship. For several years now, we’ve weekend-commuted ’cause we have jobs specific to two different spots, and something we contend with is the tendency to be on good “dating” behaviour rather than get to the real, yet often petty, stuff. Probably not something I should try to explain in a blog comment, but I do think that it’s not just a question of taking the bad with the good — sometimes the bad is, partly, weirdly, the good.

    Comment by materfamilias — July 26, 2007 @ 3:41 pm

  37. You did good! You sipped water and stared through the window – many would’ve sipped fire-water and thrown the glass through the window!

    He’s male. He won’t see beyond his needs when he is tired.

    I soo need to know what you did when you snapped!

    ‘He is lovely, and I won’t have a word said against him.’ Erk… it’s lurve! *goes to wash hands*

    Comment by sooz — July 26, 2007 @ 4:06 pm

  38. “Not it’s not, just kick this moron out of your place.”

    Um, what? You have totally and spectacularly misunderstood this whole post.

    Comment by Annie Rhiannon — July 26, 2007 @ 4:12 pm

  39. It takes a long time to get over your daemons. Mine still haunt me from time to time. Trust me when I tell you that you are the only one capable of overcoming them. Contrary to what #8 said, no amount of love, affection, hugs, or kisses can calm your soul until you are able to realize your own self worth exactly at that moment and overcome the horrible thoughts yourself.

    I feel your struggles as I read. You will be fine, trust me. I want to say that The Boy is worth the hard work and effort to put an end to ‘ridiculous neuroses’, but that won’t be completely correct. You are worth it. Do it for you. The Boy and your relationship would just be the lucky ones to benefit from it. Hang in there.

    Comment by Nataliya — July 26, 2007 @ 4:38 pm

  40. I think that before bashing the boyfriend like there was no tomorrow, we should hear his side of the story. Like, how he felt, how he reacted to what Petite did and why he acted the way he did. Maybe the fact that Petite left the room to fetch some water and look outside the window made him think she wanted some time for herself, for instance. It’s all speculation, obviously, for none of us here is a mind reader.

    The main concern here seems (to me) to be about your insecurities, Petite.

    First, I think it is OK to be insecure. You can even admit it to the Boy. But we don’t think that having him over-assuring (does this word make any sense?) you is the solution, do we?

    I certainly don’t know you enough to have any idea of how to deal with it (or to be entitled to give you advice, for that matter). However, having been discussing self-talk and auto-suggestion and the such lately with a guy who is doing a PhD in psychology partially on the matter, I noticed that you use a lot of “negative self-talk”. Before looking at me as if I was the so-called psychology page of a feminine magazine, just think about it. Trying to change your “don’t let me fuck this up” in “Let’s make that work” and “He’d rather I weren’t here at all” in “I’ll make him notice that I am here, with fresh hair and make up, until he find his way to that new underwear” might not be of great help (and I doubt it would ever, ever solve issues for anybody less shallow than, say, a butterfly), but it’s not likely to do much harm, right?

    Comment by Chloé — July 26, 2007 @ 4:44 pm

  41. I’m going to join in and give unsolicited advice.

    Call them neuroses or whatever you like, but these crazy, irrational feelings of vulnerability and neediness are normal and most of us have them. The trick is to see them for what they are and move on. Dwelling on them and magnifying their significance will make your prophecy of doom come true.

    You need to believe that, despite freaking out once in a while, you’re really sane and stable and you’re basically alright. You seem to have convinced yourself of the opposite.

    Comment by Zerlina — July 26, 2007 @ 4:54 pm

  42. Men from Mars, women from Venus… Some relevant comments above, though it feels the other majority has no understanding of both gender.

    Female goes very fast from very high to very low, some kind of a wave-like mood, not necessarily based on menstruation, though :). Male copes with it, though not always watching all details and giving the boost to go up again from the down moment. So long as up&down mood doesn’t worsen, no risk to “fuck up”.
    Male mainly follows an even mood, looking at the larger picture rather than worrying about details, sometimes not even able to notice them.
    Female copes with it, although not always accepting this lack of details and noticing. So long as the lack of noticing doesn’t get too frequent up to the indifference level, no risk to “fuck up”.

    His love is more the serenity and state-of-mind kind, while Hers is more the little wonders kind.

    “Not always having to perform”… that’s just very true, for both. Caring and doing one’s best, trying to understand, giving without expecting, enjoying what you notice is made for you is good. Accounting what you do for the other is bad. Just my two centimes…

    Comment by JBL — July 26, 2007 @ 5:11 pm

  43. So, he’s worth going “snap” about. Cool. Well done P, for finding someone you care about so much.

    Comment by Damian — July 26, 2007 @ 5:28 pm

  44. All us females should take an important piece of advice from my husband—“it isn’t always about you, honey.” Yes sometimes I want or need something from him that he doesn’t recognize, but he’s usually more than happy to accommodate me if I let him know nicely what I expect. Same with me–I don’t always read his mind very well either. Petite, I might suggest setting the stage a little earlier with a well placed phone call or email. If he knows ahead of time that you have had a stressful day, you can’t wait to see him, and you hope he will give you a little TLC, then I bet he will. But don’t expect him to pick up on subtle cues etc, especially if he has some unexpressed expectations too. He was giving you as many cues about what he needed as you were giving him—it’s just that it didn’t complement each other very well.

    Feeling insecure is normal. You’re not crazy.

    Comment by Sparrow — July 26, 2007 @ 5:43 pm

  45. Annie, I don’t think so. It’s just that I have a different interpretation of petite’s feelings than she has.

    Comment by Guillaume — July 26, 2007 @ 5:44 pm

  46. Grief – don’t uall know Petite’s a writer! And a damn good one who knows how to stir up her readers. I’m not dismissing PA’s feelings and fears, but let’s keep a sense of proportion.

    Comment by Watcha — July 26, 2007 @ 5:48 pm

  47. To Woody (No 32).

    I love you and I want to have your babies.

    Petite *is* special.

    There.

    Said it.
    :-)

    Comment by Brennig — July 26, 2007 @ 6:04 pm

  48. As Sooz says he’s a boy and needs to sort out his space first if he’s tired, and particularly if he’s just come in from work.

    I have stong memories of my father coming home from work. He would have a cup of tea, and then go and sit on my parents bed and read the paper. We, as children, were forbiden to disterb him. (unless absolutely necessary). It was his time to unwind from the day and change from being a colegue/boss/employee to a loving and caring husband and father he was.

    Boy probably needs the same time to de-compress. Ok with a computer game rather than a paper. But it is a way to just loose yourself for a while. This is doubly true if he has been doing something that day that is not something that he finds comfortable doing.

    You could try an experiment for next time… go drink a glass of water and stare out the window, let him play his “game”, all the time rembering that actually you are very loveable, and see how he is a little while later. See how his mood/attitude has changed compared to when he came in. If he is all bubbly and happy to see you then, you know its just work and not him taking you for granted.

    Medical Procedure? – hope it all went well! Plus family friction has resolved itself.

    grayarea

    Comment by grayarea — July 26, 2007 @ 6:27 pm

  49. Why are they “Ridiculous” neuroses?

    They may not be valid/true but “Ridiculous”?

    Comment by grayarea — July 26, 2007 @ 6:33 pm

  50. Following on from # 17:
    You are disappointed because the Boy “looks straight through you” and doesn’t notice the effort you’ve made with the new undies, make-up and hairdo – you are disappointed because you made the effort for him, not for yourself, not for your own pleasure and gratification. That denotes quite a passive/ submissive role in the relationship that might warrant some analysis. It’s very common, most women want to impress their boys/men. But it’s not right, is it? We should get dressed up for ourselves, get our hair done for ourselves, put on the makeup for ourselves, because we ourselves are worth that effort, not to seek the approval of our boys/men. It seems like you are still quite insecure and not yet comfortable with this boy/man, like you are still vying for his attention and approval.
    You acknowledge that he was exhausted, that he flopped down on the sofa and closed his eyes. Maybe it’s just a question of you two not being on the same wavelength that evening – he wanted to wind down playing a computer game (common hobby among the male species, let’s face it!) while you wanted to be wined and dined , you wanted romance but he was just too tired for it that particular day…
    Seems like you are still not sufficiently at ease with one another to readily communicate each other’s needs.
    You jokingly made a similar remark in the post about the holiday in August, that you would have to “hide away your crazy” until then… Don’t feel that the onus is on you only, I think you’re taking too much responsibility for how the relationship works out, it’s a two-way thing and you HAVE to be able to reveal your real self, crazy and all, and be accepted,approved and loved for who you are, not for the effort that you make to be noticed. As other commenters have said, you are an extremely attractive girl in many ways, you have such a lot going for yourself, so much to offer a boy/man in a relationship, don’t tear yourself up so much, go easy on yourself!
    This kind of tension and adjustment is perfectly normal in the early stages of a relationship. When you can work out each other’s frequencies and tune into each other, there will be no need for any more façades.

    You say he is lovely and I’m sure he is. You are lovely yourself. Now just get back to enjoying the melty moments you described so well a few posts back…

    Comment by happyforyou — July 26, 2007 @ 6:46 pm

  51. I know how it feels. But for a minute, put aside those thoughts and go further: give him a kiss and make him feel that you are happy to see him. Tell yourself that he’d go through all the traffic in Paris just to see you. The minute I forget myself to think of my Man, I realize that he does love me, he’s just wired differently.

    Comment by Le Jazz — July 26, 2007 @ 6:57 pm

  52. To mitigate my previous statements, what grayarea (#39) says is absolutely right. One needs a “transition period” when coming back from work (and this is true no matter your gender), so if that was the case then I guess he has an excuse.

    That still doesn’t mean you’re in any way neurotic to ask yourself this kind of questions.

    Comment by Guillaume Laurent — July 26, 2007 @ 7:13 pm

  53. I agree with you: you ARE being neurotic. I can say that with affection because I do the same damn thing. You are describing verbatim the way I, too, tend to react at that same relative point in all my relationships. Which may explain still being single. [ponderous sigh] Why is it that we can be strong, capable, have-it-all-together women in other areas of our lives, but when it comes to men, we flip out at the very thought of messing it up or the possibility of them not being “into us”. It’s something about admitting to ourselves that yes, we really DO like “this one” and we really do want to keep him around, but some kind of fear or insecurity about our ability to do that. Probably because the truth is, we know that we can’t MAKE them love us, can’t MAKE them stay with us, and the early part of a new relationship is a total crap shoot in many ways. You know there is “potential” but you’re not at the place where things are settled.

    It is both wonderful and exciting, and it sucks at the same time. I so get it, Petite.

    Comment by The Bold Soul — July 26, 2007 @ 7:36 pm

  54. Wow – so many words for so little conflict – what’s wrong with a computer game, luv? You play a computer game close to every day, for what it’s worth – it’s called a BLOG…

    Comment by Bridges — July 26, 2007 @ 7:50 pm

  55. to #38 and guillaume “You have totally and spectacularly misunderstood this whole post”

    i think this might be true …

    “kick this moron out of your place”

    i don’t see what makes you think he was in her place
    do you think he had bring his super nintendo or whatever to her place ? is that making sense to you ?

    plus regarding the use of the term ‘moron’ … as we say in french “sois poli au moins si t’es pas joli”

    rose

    Comment by rose selavy — July 26, 2007 @ 7:59 pm

  56. Must be terrible to have so much advice all the time, Petite, but I’m not going to let that stop me!

    Mind reading doesn’t work very well, especially in relationships. Your assumptions about what the boy was feeling are just that – you don’t KNOW till you ask. Flopping down the moment he gets in could just as easily mean ‘Please, God let me forget about that horrible day so I can enjoy the evening with my beloved Petite’, as ‘I wish that darned Petite wasn’t here.’

    Because you don’t know each other very well, your guesses about what he’s thinking and feeling are all over the map. (As are his assumptions about you.) Go easy on yourself, talk about what bothers you, and as you learn more about each other, you’ll know better when you should start worrying!

    Comment by Peg — July 26, 2007 @ 8:18 pm

  57. …plus, that is not neurotic behavior. Neurotic behavior would be, for example, inventing a character name without a proper link to a blog to leave comments on one’s own blog. Now that, is not only neurotic, but deeply egotistical.

    Just saying.

    Comment by Bridges — July 26, 2007 @ 8:30 pm

  58. He is taking you too much for granted, Petite.

    Comment by Jean-Luc Picard — July 26, 2007 @ 8:33 pm

  59. Rose :

    – as I answered Annie already, I just have a different take on petite’s feelings.

    – she said “playing games on the computer”, not on the game console, and Petite has a computer (or he could be carrying his laptop), so they could very well be at her place.

    – I stand by the fact that any guy who has a choice between all prepped up Petite and gaming and chooses the latter is clueless (the need of post-work transition being somewhat of an excuse).

    Comment by Guillaume Laurent — July 26, 2007 @ 8:43 pm

  60. I’m really confused, here is a boy comfortable enough to just chill when tired, isn’t that normal. Why the snapping? Bet he reassured you afterwards? Try to recall that next time.

    Comment by helensparkles — July 26, 2007 @ 8:46 pm

  61. insensitive guy v. over sensitive girl = I wonder what happened next!

    Comment by est — July 26, 2007 @ 9:10 pm

  62. Petite,

    Sounds like you are spending too much time with this dude. At this stage, early days, it should be about romance. If he wants to play on his computer, let him do it on his own time, not on yours. He should value your time. You have agreed to see him, not to watch him play with his toys. Cut back on the amount of your precious time you are giving him. If you have respect for yourself and your own time, he will follow suit.

    Comment by Alanah — July 26, 2007 @ 9:55 pm

  63. Um, I think everybody should stop over-analysing so much. This was a good post about somewhere we’ve all been. I don’t think her entire psyche needs dissecting because she’s able to admit to moments of irrational insecurity.

    Comment by Annie Rhiannon — July 26, 2007 @ 10:23 pm

  64. Physical attraction draws us together.

    But it’s intellectual connection which has to keep us there.

    They’re not mutually exclusive, by any means. But you need both to last a lifetime.

    Comment by Roads — July 26, 2007 @ 11:11 pm

  65. Annie : “Um, I think everybody should stop over-analysing so much”

    Probably, but I figured asking her about those new undies right away would be frowned upon.

    Comment by Guillaume Laurent — July 27, 2007 @ 12:06 am

  66. Did you think of bringing him a beer to drink while he played?

    I’m not trying to be rude but if you really want it to work out with this guy, maybe let him have a little time out when he’s exhausted? Do you want him to feel at home at your place or not?

    Comment by Naomi — July 27, 2007 @ 12:46 am

  67. The expression ‘boys will be boys’ comes to mind and boys do like their computer games. I don’t see why you expect him to act like a man when he has been cast in the role of a boy. But I think we can leave that aside as it is more your reaction which is so interesting and much more to the point. Love certainly is excruciating!

    Comment by purple — July 27, 2007 @ 1:05 am

  68. Don’t give into fear or insecurity. They are only negative waste products, unless you give them credence and power. Everyone is insecure (ok there are some exceptions mais….)
    Delphine

    Comment by delphine — July 27, 2007 @ 1:54 am

  69. Ok as another boy i gotta say all this analysis is kinda scary to me! Boy is very lucky to have gorgeous and witty petite. i like 64. roads’ summing up.

    Comment by flitestar — July 27, 2007 @ 2:18 am

  70. I didn’t read all the comments, but I fail to see why it’s such a big deal that he wants to play the computer. If you notice he is tired and wants to relax, there is room for disappointment, but I doubt it means he is on the verge of tossing you aside. I would say you’re female, he’s male, and that’s answer enough.

    Looking too deeply will only make it worse – we’ve seen the sour result. So, simply, relax.

    Comment by reavolution — July 27, 2007 @ 3:33 am

  71. Insecurity (in both women AND men)loves to feed upon fear and in a relationship as new as yours is,Petite,there is much upon which to feast…You are being very hard on yourself by taking for granted that he will run at the first glimpse of the “real” you. Both you and he deserve more respect than that.

    It is all too easy to feel rejected when a lover comes home so tired that the first thing on his mind is to unwind,as opposed to responding to you… It is important to remember that you had some time to decompress before his arrival, while he was met by you the moment that he got home. After an emotionally fraught day, it may seem that he is not happy to see you, while the reality is that he may simply need to leave his day behind as well and men are reticent about seeking comfort and affection when their minds are on the jerk who cut them off in traffic or the boss who made his day a living hell.

    As long as he does not ignore you for the rest of the evening or shut you out of any part of his life
    (although he shouldn’t be expected to share EVERYTHING so soon),you have nothing to fear…

    Comment by Belle — July 27, 2007 @ 3:34 am

  72. I feel a bit restricted by your determination to protect your love, so I will simply do just that. I don’t want anything I say to be taken as a negative attack. Mothers are the same. We can say what we wish about our own children, but heaven help another who tries to comment upon them. That is all.

    Comment by beaunejewels — July 27, 2007 @ 3:34 am

  73. I guess, as someone who has been with the same man for years and years, I have a different take on the situation. Guys like to unwind after work and they prefer to be alone during this period. The fact that he a)asked your permission and b)limited his gaming to 30 mins are both very good signs. I would even go so far as to say that the fact that he feels like he can relax and be himself around you is also a very good sign.

    As someone has already mentioned, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I recommend you read the book by John Gray. It’s full of very handy information on what’s going on inside the heads of the opposite sex :)

    Comment by Angie — July 27, 2007 @ 5:02 am

  74. actually I think that hiding your ‘crazy’ is the worst cos then you’re not being honest with yourself or with him. Ima not sayin’ you should let the shoulder devils speak, but if ya wanna know if you’re really compatible for the long haul then let those comments out in a nice, rational manner & see the sparks fly where they may.
    see section IV. here: http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2007/06/13/the-post-on-marriage/

    Comment by mad gypsy — July 27, 2007 @ 5:24 am

  75. Let’s not over analyze here. Petite was sharing and their relationship seems fairly new. We all have our moments of being needy and somewhat crazy and I feel that most women can relate to this scenario. Petite knows this is good.

    The fact that Petite is more concerned about her looks and so taken already says much about her guy. He sounds like a keeper.

    Comment by Diane — July 27, 2007 @ 5:28 am

  76. ah, so familiar, that! all of it. it could have been me. could still be me.

    Comment by Molly — July 27, 2007 @ 5:57 am

  77. Salut Petite,

    quoi qu’on puisse dire a ce sujet une chose est très claire on a tous reconnu la situation. Je n’est pas des conseils a donner (vraiment pas la personne a donner des conseils..) mais ca que je voulait dire c’est que je crois pas que ca soit uniquement féminine comme préoccupation. Personnellement, je vu ces inquiétudes des deux cotés, moi j’ai eu et je eu des disputes avec mon partenaire ou il est évident que lui les avait.

    Comment by Apple — July 27, 2007 @ 6:12 am

  78. I bet you would have had a different reaction if you had met him at the door in your new underwear. I think our expectations often lead to disappointments, although it’s hard not to have them.

    Comment by Linda — July 27, 2007 @ 8:03 am

  79. Annie Rhiannon (No 63), I love you and want to have your babies too. What can I say, I’m fickle.
    :-)

    But…

    We have all been there – and will probably continue to go there from time-to-time.

    Though we will probably not be as open and as honest about our feelings as Petite is being here.

    But she’s still special.

    We all are.

    Even those among us who are emotionally less sensitive.

    Comment by Brennig — July 27, 2007 @ 8:43 am

  80. Women are so exacting …

    Comment by Yogi — July 27, 2007 @ 9:57 am

  81. Freshly washed hair and discreet makeup – blimey, Petite, sounds like the kind of effort level suitable for popping to the shops for a pint of milk – hardly going to blow anyone’s mind, is it? Was he really supposed to notice that! Put your make up by all means, but do so for your own enjoyment and to feel good about yourself, not to impress some man, and don’t take offence if he doesn’t notice these subtle things. Would you notice if he trimmed his nose hair for your benefit? Or put another way, would he get upset if you didn’t?

    Comment by Jude — July 27, 2007 @ 10:10 am

  82. OMG, calm down all of you. 90% of the readers of this blog take the words way too literally and way too seriously.

    Great post. How many times do we have to count to 10 when we would rather rant or rave for no sensible reason. Make that should count to 10…I very rarely do.

    Comment by Jamila — July 27, 2007 @ 11:28 am

  83. Hee hee!

    What will you do with so much advice Petite?

    Comment by Angelina — July 27, 2007 @ 11:31 am

  84. Petite, it takes one to know one. I was exactly the same before I met my current boyfriend. The taking for granted bit always kicks in at some stage (unfortunately), at least in my case, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t truly care about you. I think the other person who made the remark about it just being typical male behaviour has a point too. They are less demanding of relationships and I think they expect us to act like that too. They just don’t understand female logic do they? (lol – joke). Stick with him he sounds nice and may be just easy going.

    Secondly, sorry to hijack the conversation, but does anyone know how to be reimbursed the taxes that one has paid in France? It’s quite urgent.

    Comment by Donta — July 27, 2007 @ 12:29 pm

  85. Posts like this make your blog so good p’tite. Many people blog but few have the courage to share the exquisite cameos of the soul you treat us to. Thanks for everything.

    Comment by Inglish — July 27, 2007 @ 1:02 pm

  86. That sounds so familiar to me … Poor petite :(
    At least Paris is full of wonderful guys ( I’ve been told ).So,make a nice move on !!!

    Comment by Kaa — July 27, 2007 @ 1:27 pm

  87. The traditional remedy, which I am surprised nobody has suggested, is to interpose a naked woman between the man and the screen.

    If he fails to be distracted, then the naked woman needs either a replacement man or an additional one.

    Comment by Eats Wombats — July 27, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

  88. Try not to rush so, petite, aren’t relationships about symbiosis with the occasional need for for calibration/acclimatisation (as if you didn’t know already)?

    Avagudun

    Ad

    Comment by ad — July 27, 2007 @ 3:57 pm

  89. I was always that girl like “don’t mess this up” and “hide your crazy” and with a certain man I am STILL that girl. However, I am in a ‘relationship’ where the guy is the one hiding his crazy. It is a weird and powerful situation for me. Being on the other side for the first time in my life…leave the joint. Let him be tired, go out have fun even if its by yourself. Sometimes people just need their space and sometimes they don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings by asking they need just a bit of time alone. So the person that needs alone time sits there and sulks, resenting that you are around and being even more withdrawn.

    So my best advice is this… don’t ask questions, go out have a good time, get a massage and he will come to you when he miss you. Which will be soon. I swear.

    Comment by Cassandra — July 27, 2007 @ 4:40 pm

  90. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus….:-)

    Comment by Karma — July 27, 2007 @ 6:16 pm

  91. Perhaps he had a bad day at work and was using the games as a means of destressing.

    This will not be easy but try believing that when something isn’t exactly as you want it – it’s not your fault. You can’t control everything – particularly other peoples responses or feelings – or, to a large extent – mood!

    Have you never had an off day in which, perhaps, you shut Mr. Frog out for a bit until you were back on an even keel?

    Comment by Lillian — July 27, 2007 @ 8:53 pm

  92. I think many of us both guys and girls have all sorts of bagage which makes us feel insecure at times. The more we care about a situation the more we feel like this. I’m not at all typical, as an older guy, I have always tended to be emotionally driven myself and very aware of my own feelings of doubt. Sadly most guys are not at all as aware where feelings and emotions are concerned. I often think that most females must find the aveage guy very disappointing.

    Objectively you know that there are outside reasons for your feeling sensitive at the moment. I would try to do something you can enjoy and unwind at. Alternatively go somewhere nice to unwind. Play relaxing sounds and chill.

    Life is never easy where relationships are concerned. Take care.

    Comment by Greg Dunn — July 27, 2007 @ 9:04 pm

  93. Your post made it sound like really hard work being in a relationship with you… backed up by some of the people commenting!

    I think you need to give him a bit of slack. Nothing makes someone (male) feel more like running than having to constantly second guess what they have done wrong and be ready to perform to expectations they don’t understand.

    Comment by hobbituk — July 28, 2007 @ 12:29 am

  94. Neediness shouldn’t fuck anything up if its the right thing. It just has to be the right thing for the both of you. And the right time. And …

    Ok yes, love can be a complex thing but why not enjoy the journey rather than focussing on the destination? It’s a short life we lead. Why not just smell the flowers along the way without worrying about your allergies?

    Comment by rhubarb — July 28, 2007 @ 1:48 am

  95. Well you know, the very fact that he is able to express his will to play a little bit while you’re here is in my opinion one of greatest proof of how much he is feeling well with you. It needs so much trust in a couple before both are able to do their own thing while the other is around, feeling so well with the presence of the other, her smell, the sounds she makes, etc. Took me a long time to understand it was a sign of maturity (should not be that every day, of course).

    Comment by Goon — July 28, 2007 @ 9:25 am

  96. It never ceases to amaze me how many different ways my readers can respond to a slice of life I serve up (which I suppose is what makes blogging interesting, if a little scary at times)…

    Assumptions are made about my relationship, my ability to be in a relationship, about whether or not this boy is right for me… all based on a five minute sequence (which admittedly I chose to show, for whatever reason).

    So, um, just to say that my relationship is mostly made up of lovely moments, that I’m sad to be going away for two weeks at this juncture, but this boy – who turned up unexpectedly with breakfast for me and my girl this morning to say goodbye just one more time before we left – is definitely a keeper. And I don’t think he would say I give him a hard time. Aside from my demands in the bedroom… but, ahem, that’s definitely not a subject for petite anglaise.

    Comment by petite — July 28, 2007 @ 9:35 am

  97. Sometimes we must give, and other times we need to take.

    This sounds like what could be a great relationship PA.

    Don’t let fear of the f-up prevent you from sharing your feelings with him.

    Comment by oxo — July 28, 2007 @ 11:06 am

  98. Haven’t read the other comments, so I apologise if someone else has said this already, but I would see his behaviour as a good sign. He obviuosly feels comfortable around you, which is great. It may not be exactly what you want in terms of romantic gestures, but generally, it has to be a good thing…

    Comment by Kathie — July 28, 2007 @ 1:03 pm

  99. “Assumptions are made about my relationship, my ability to be in a relationship…”

    Petite, you’re the only one who seems to doubt your own ability to be in a relationship. You are the one who constantly says that you have to hide your ‘craziness’ from him and that you’re afraid of screwing things up.

    Yes, I know I’m being presumptuous and annoying in giving unsolicited advice, but what I intended to say in post 41 is that there’s no reason to believe that you’re incapable of having a good relationship.

    He brought breakfast, huh? What a sweetie.

    Comment by Zerlina — July 28, 2007 @ 1:38 pm

  100. Sounds like this is a minor issue that became major at the time. None of us know this guy nor the relationship you have so how can we truly comment on your feelings.

    I have to say though, guys generally are not as good at expressing feelings as girls are. It’s probably this innate behaviour of trying to be strong which I’m sure infuriates our partners.

    Having been in relationships where I didn’t notice, I am full of regret, particularly as I let the most wonderful woman go after five years together. I was only 27 but have regretted it for 15 years. If only I’d been more mature about the difficult situation that we were in or been more open with trying to understand her needs better. Stupidity, stubbornness and all the other male traits were prevalent then. AND HOW I MISS HER, still!

    But thanks for sharing this Petite. If nothing else, it gets us all to examine our relationships and decide what is truly important. We all need space but as partners we have to be able to say what we’d like and accept the answer.

    Comment by Jester — July 28, 2007 @ 2:37 pm

  101. To no 87 ‘Eats Wombats':
    Good in theory, though in practise has only worked once for me. Boo Hoo.

    A long-suffering and increasingly ‘desperate’ cricket widow.

    Comment by j — July 28, 2007 @ 2:58 pm

  102. I think it’s the way you tell ‘em, p’tite.

    You are the first to admit that you serve your life up as snippets – you don’t give much away. The readers know very little about your new relationship and want to fill in the gaps so they make assumptions. Pretty normal, really.

    And since you are naturally the “heroine” of the piece (like it or not), they are bound to take your side if you present anything which could be conceived as being negative with regard to the “boy”. Even if your intention was to reveal more about your own behaviour than his.

    Just trying to explain, that’s all. The post ends quite ominously, so I think some readers thought that the relationship is troubled, when clearly it isn’t.

    So what I’m saying is – it’s all your fault! ;)

    The thing about blogging is that readers can put their thoughts into words via their comments. We probably make assumptions about characters in “normal” books when we’re reading, but we don’t get to air them.

    Comment by anxious — July 28, 2007 @ 5:06 pm

  103. How romantic, wow I wish my man would show up with breakfast for me! I’ll keep hinting….

    Comment by Donta — July 28, 2007 @ 5:21 pm

  104. I used to be prone to constant bouts of self analysing & tormenting behaviour. After expressing neurotic concerns to my boyfriend one night, the poor thing simply turned around and said

    “its not ALL about you. Sometimes I am just tired. Sometimes it is about me”.

    I slowly then realised how being neurotic is also very self-orientated. In all your neurotic somersaulting have you ever considered, shocking as it may seem, maybe it’s not something YOU did/didn’t do?? Maybe its the other person in the relationship!

    Comment by Scoobycat — July 28, 2007 @ 5:29 pm

  105. No BF bashing here. AS for neuroses–we all have ‘em. That’s what makes us what we are. AS for your demands in the bedroom–who know maybe he’ll learn something :-)
    If he’s a keeper then enjoy every moment you have with him. And if sometimes you stare into the night, hon, we’ve all been there, For me it’s 3 in the AM and they talk about the dark night of the soul. Well they know what they’re talking about. Believe me. You’ve connected and that what’s it’s all about.

    Good loving and enjoy
    From Seattle
    Beau

    Comment by Beau — July 28, 2007 @ 7:56 pm

  106. I call it “hiding the crazy.” I thought I had hid it from my boyfriend (now husband), but he knew ‘the crazy’ was there all along. :)

    Comment by Kat — July 28, 2007 @ 10:45 pm

  107. youre perfectly normal. both of you. and Kat’s right, boys know more than we give them credit. treasure him and ignore all the vitriolic responses, if hes special to you then you know far better than us what to do. good luck with it all and have fun.

    Comment by Jenny — July 29, 2007 @ 1:01 am

  108. Petite,

    You REALLY are in love. How splendidly wonderful for you. Even without your own comment #20, I think the post is a wonderful declaration of love. Pray stay your own neurotic self. It makes for beautiful posts, and probably is exactly what boy-friend finds so lovable about you.

    On a more serious note, I truly am happy for you, go petite go and enjoy. And please keep us informed.

    Comment by Jasper Kips — July 29, 2007 @ 3:07 am

  109. oh petite…but some of us want to hear about those demands! :) thanks for sharing your snippets despite the fact that in return you get so much judgment and unsolicited advice.

    Comment by nicoleh — July 29, 2007 @ 6:21 am

  110. “You’ve been spending so much time together lately that look, he’s taking you for granted already,” the demon on my left shoulder hisses into my ear. “He’d rather you weren’t there at all,” he adds for good measure. “You might as well just go home…” My lower lip begins to wobble. I hate myself for being so weak and contemptible.

    Yes, but did he get a shag? thats the important bit.

    Comment by EssexBoy — July 29, 2007 @ 11:46 am

  111. I like reading about your inner life because it makes me feel normal. I am high functioning autistic……and I have the same inner dialog as you do.

    I am successful….employed, I drive a car and travel. My life does not suck.

    It is good to know that I am not the only one who thinks these thoughts.

    ~Sarah

    Comment by Sarah — July 29, 2007 @ 5:17 pm

  112. @110

    That is so NOT the important bit.

    Comment by oxo — July 29, 2007 @ 7:24 pm

  113. It is the preserve of any woman to want to be adored, and anything less does make us doubt… Then again, being complacent is usually a relationship’s biggest danger, and you are anything but…

    Comment by Ariel — July 29, 2007 @ 9:07 pm

  114. As the most neurotic person in the entire universe who is capable of making a mountain out of a mole hill I quite understand where you are coming from.

    Comment by Hungry Hippo — July 29, 2007 @ 9:27 pm

  115. to oxo #112 : of course it is …

    Comment by rose — July 29, 2007 @ 9:28 pm

  116. just the one? I favour even numbers. If I’m going to be with a guy in his twenties, I have to make the most of all that, er, energy.

    Comment by petite — July 29, 2007 @ 9:35 pm

  117. woo hoo, we finally get the age out of you!! In his twenties eh?! Nice one!

    I am sorry to say that being referred to in your post has totally gone to my head (I’m the girl who’s been hiding my ‘crazy’). I want to ring and tell my boyfriend….but then I’ll have to explain the context and then tell him I follow this blog of some english chick in paris and I know all (well not all) about her life. Eh, no, on second thought, thats just the type of crazy behaviour he doesn’t need to know about.

    It is kind of cool the boy feels totally relaxed in your place though, n’est pas? And isn’t that whole getting ready for his arrival, butterflies in your tummy thing FABULOUS!? Can’t have the butterflies with out the nuerosies.

    p.s. have just finished booking my hols to France (Biarritz, Bordeaux, La Rochelle and Paris). I may hit you up for some eaterie reccommendations in the near future……or maybe its Meg I should be talking to :)

    Comment by susie — July 29, 2007 @ 10:58 pm

  118. May I ask, does it bother you that a nice happy post like ‘flush’ gets 32 posts, while one like this gets 120+ ?

    Good fiction always includes conflict and setbacks, it just seems problematic when the audience is reading a narrative that is (to a greater or lesser degree) based on one flesh-and-blood individual’s real life.

    I’ve noticed, from reading other blogs, that people do seem to like a ‘car crash’.

    Great post again, though.

    Best wishes.

    Comment by LKH — July 29, 2007 @ 11:52 pm

  119. re #116. Have as many as you like. You deserve happiness, Petite.

    Comment by Pierre L — July 30, 2007 @ 1:34 am

  120. Sounds like most men!

    Comment by La Bellina Mammina — July 30, 2007 @ 7:49 am

  121. I hate to say it, but you are utterly normal and totally female. It took me lots of relationships to realise it properly and I still make mistakes now I’m married. We all need our space and we all do different things to relax, crap novels, crap TV, chat to a fellow failure, and as a huge generalisation the male species would like to escape to a computer world, Su Doku, a sports channel or kicking a ball around. Whatever works for us doesn’t necessarily work for them. I always promise myself to keep quiet, let it go but inevitably I say something crass and annoying…I’m getting better. Unlike us who endlessly want to analyse everything, they seem to like to ponder alone. Venus and Mars cliche.

    Comment by lou — July 30, 2007 @ 12:05 pm

  122. @115 – Rose

    You are still learning my young padawan. One day you will appreciate the true power of the force.

    Comment by oxo — July 30, 2007 @ 12:26 pm

  123. The Boy gotta be nr 13+16… think about it (plus the cute English suggests he’s French which we think he is, isn’t he Petite?)

    Comment by Teaperson — July 30, 2007 @ 12:48 pm

  124. having thought about it, selavy @13+16 might be female… gotta think again.
    Tell us, Petite, pretty please, who is the Boy?

    Comment by Teaperson — July 30, 2007 @ 12:53 pm

  125. Ohhhh, no words of wisdom to share but only empathy for I do exactly the same thing. I fight with myself to stop the stupid words coming out of my stupid mouth, because I know very well that the only thing that will come of it is a messy discussion which is bound to leave a secret ‘this girl’s slightly unhinged’ mark somewhere on him, smouldering away. I usually say the stupid thing anyway. And then wait for the carnage. Poor ol’ you. Hope things are looking brighter today!

    Comment by Kate — July 30, 2007 @ 1:51 pm

  126. Having my ex around while my current beau is off climbing Mont Blanc means that I’m being forced to ‘examine the crazy’ and ‘keep the cool’.

    Apparently, I self-sabotage. I’m willing myself to not do so again, but it’s so difficult when one is certain that one likes their beau more so than the beau returns their ‘like’.

    I can’t remember who said, “go out” but yeah. Let off steam. Take that beautiful made up face of yours out for a coffee nearby while he winds down. I used to come home exhausted on occasion and ask for my (shared) room for just 20mins, just 20mins of peace and quiet to myself. It made the world of difference for the rest of the evening, and didn’t mean I didn’t love the person I shared the room with, or even that I didn’t want him around (just not right there, right now). Perhaps that’s how he felt?

    Ha ha ha. Please send this back to me in approximately 10 weeks time…

    Comment by Nomes — July 30, 2007 @ 3:19 pm

  127. Given the decreasing post frequency, petite, the both of you seem to put the energy to good use.
    Enjoy girl, enjoy

    Comment by Jasper Kips — July 30, 2007 @ 3:21 pm

  128. Most men? Not me. I’m just about perfect.

    Comment by Richard Madeley — July 30, 2007 @ 4:46 pm

  129. Why is everyone so scandalised by him being in his twenties? Petite is only 25 – has been for years.

    Comment by Damian — July 30, 2007 @ 5:49 pm

  130. I’m making the most of being able to say he is in his twenties, because he won’t be for much longer…

    And as for @13, @16 etc… If my boy is commenting under the pseudonym of (rose) selavy, I think it’s high time I inspected his wardrobe for ladygarments.

    Comment by petite — July 30, 2007 @ 8:30 pm

  131. Speaking (in my usual late-to-the-game fashion) as a guy who is regularly reminded that he hasn’t paid as much attention as he might, I think I have discovered the secret to all this stuff.

    Talk, and don’t have an act.

    Tell him everything you wrote about, and be yourself.

    I think I was lucky when I met my other half – we had both had car-crash style relationships beforehand, and were both saying “here I am, f*ck the act” right from the beginning…

    Comment by Jonathan — July 30, 2007 @ 9:35 pm

  132. Cricket widow, You have my sympathy. For cricket to be more interesting than you naked…. OUCH. However, I DID suggest appropriate remedies too.

    Once, when comparing notes on the bandwidth-wasting porn-loving proclivities of male office workers with a fellow IT manager (which I used to be) from an organization in India, he shook his head and threw up his hands and confided that he had exactly the same problems…. with people surfing cricket web sites on “his” network. They were seriously incorrigible. “Cricket mad.”

    Comment by Eats Wombats — July 31, 2007 @ 12:58 am

  133. I can really relate to the “please don’t let me fuck this up” bit. I’m a guy, yet find myself in the same spot a lot. Mainly I try to make everything perfect, but by doing so I think I’m scaring the people I want to please.

    j’adore ton blog!

    B.

    Comment by B. — July 31, 2007 @ 1:12 am

  134. A good bloke is one who still loves you and stays with you after the snap!

    So don’t hold back.

    Comment by Roberta Collins — July 31, 2007 @ 5:26 am

  135. Ahhhh my current husband and I met when he was in his 20s and me in my 30s…..Bliss! We’re happily married now and have known each other for 10 years. I don’t regret marrying my toy boy one little bit.
    Bonne chance! :)

    Comment by Karma — July 31, 2007 @ 5:58 am

  136. Great blog!

    I think people tend to get impressed by people who are not trying to please them.

    Comment by Martin121 — July 31, 2007 @ 1:58 pm

  137. Did he really play on the computer for only half hour or was it more like an hour (that’s naughty)?! Are you allowed to say what happened after, did you mellow and feel back to normal again?

    Comment by Claire-a-belle — July 31, 2007 @ 5:24 pm

  138. hey cath its claire

    havent read any blogs in ages. just looking thru, and so so empathise with this entry. july has been the month where everyone has broken up with someone, and all the new exciting freshness of every relationship older than 2 months turns into insecurity and paranoia. its insane. i’ve just broken with my guy for pretty much the same reason- fear of the claustrophobia, of when it turns comfortable (which in my mind reads stale…)…. when actually, i think ‘comfort’ was the thing he most desired….

    Comment by piu piu — July 31, 2007 @ 7:38 pm

  139. Can I come to cheer you up, Petite? I’m pat time in Paris, part time in London every week so I would love to do that ;-)

    Being a bloke, I can give my version (unfortunatly the end is not good to be told). When my GF did the same efforts as you did, I did notice. I actually noticed every things from special attention to make-up and new underwear. I was just not feeling it, and blamed me for that… arghhh not good the say that… I should cheer you up instead!!!! OK, go to Paris Plage tomorrow and enjoy the weather, take a break and relax (and email me back if you need someone to play petanque with you).

    Comment by Vonric — August 1, 2007 @ 1:46 am

  140. Neuroses, “just a high class word for whining”.

    Albert Ellis. Psychoanalysis.

    Comment by Essex Boy — August 2, 2007 @ 12:38 pm

  141. OOOOOoooooh I think Selavy is calling bluff and IS Petite’s boyfriend. All very normal feelings when falling in love with someone…it’s a game of risk…

    Comment by Sister Louise — August 3, 2007 @ 12:52 pm

  142. Your post just described my entire week – right down to the new underwear. I’ve been with him just over a year, just moved in with him in the last month, and am now fighting off the thought that I’m too available. I’ve been ridiculously girlie and sensitive about the matter – I’m hoping those are just my hormones talking, but I’ve been caught with the wobbly lip a few times as of late as well.

    Comment by Jenny — August 7, 2007 @ 3:48 pm


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