I was poised to write a comment in response to this post, fully expecting to unearth the usual “suppository porn stories” and “secretary spanked boss” or “stapler of death” queries which are pretty much a constant. But as I scrolled through the search terms for other amusing examples, the findings were often puzzling, sometimes poignant and, well, I decided they merited a mini-post of their own.
Now I know that google is for many of us the first port of call in a crisis, a place where one can find the answer to many of the questions we would have asked our mother or doctor. When Tadpole took it upon herself to swallow a pebble a few months ago, I typed in all manner of queries about “swallowed foreign objects” before reaching for the telephone to call Mr Frog (who has a couple of friends who are GP’s), then my mum.
So it is not too surprising to see people asking the all-knowing google algorithm for answers to questions like:
- can the musty spider pushchair be used from birth?
- my boyfriend wears my knickers is he gay?
But, having said that, it never occured to me to use google for relationship counselling.
- How to heal your broken heart after a divorce?
- Can you break soul ties and remain friends?
- Why won’t he marry me after 13 years?
- How to imitate my husband’s voice to fool his girlfriend?
There I was trawling through the stats looking for funnies, and instead, rather unexpectedly, I found myself empathising; feeling other people’s pain.
There was only one question I did feel equipped to answer, and it may be the subject of a forthcoming post, one day.
how to talk dirty in French?
However, being the sort of person who is more likely to say “is it in yet?” or “ouch, that’s starting to chafe” than “come here big boy”, I suspect “petite’s guide to bedroom French” may not be quite what the googlers had in mind.