Comments on: acting like a mother

By: Kathy

Kathy — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 19:20:08 +0000

Very honest post. I have felt many of these things myself, and I have put my little one to bed without reading a story, have let her watch too much tv (but NEVER Teletubbies! They scare me!), and then I remember that I need to sit on the floor and be with her more. I have done the whole downsizing thing, quit my full time job, etc, and now owe a bit of money. But life is easier and my husband and I spend so much more time with them. It’s hard to find a balance, and while we have our troubles learning how to mother, our partners need to learn to father. Mine is doing so much better the second time around, more relaxed and all. Good luck!

By: Fidget

Fidget — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 04:50:57 +0000

It is so much easier to be the mommmy I want to be when people are watching. I am much less inclined to easily lose my patience and more willing to put up with my kids oddities that drive me nuts. I think that when we are alone i have those golden moments when the core of the parent I want to be shines through but many a hour goes by where I am too busy, or too trapped feeling to take a step back and handle things in the manner I want. I appreciate your honesty in the post, it makes me look at myself and how far i’ve come back from the brink. I fight to be the mommmy i want to be with the demons inside my head

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 04:18:07 +0000

Tadpole will always love you best because you are Mama—and nothing changes that –though heaven knows at times I’ve wished my girls didn’t feel that way. :grin:

As for the caregiver, thank your lucky stars if she decides to help you potty train Tadpole–my daughters pre-school teacher helped them and as a result the process was (relatively) painless–it always seems to help when someone else gets involved with doing it, because they play control games with the person they KNOW loves them best–and that’s you!

Hang in there–you’re doing fine!

By: Waterhot

Waterhot — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 20:46:19 +0000

I think Ria hit the nail on the head with her first comment – contemporary culture encourages us to become totally self-absorbed about such things. I have blogged more than once about how bewildering I find conversations in which parenting (just that word gets my hackles up) is talked about as if it were a job or a skill. It really is all about loving and following your instincts.

My son’s mother and I split up several years ago, and I can say that I am sure that the moments when I have been the best father – from my son’s point of view, which, after all, is all that really counts – have been since then, when we have spent time together alone, just the two of us, precisely because those are the times when I am just myself.

I think you just need to trust in yourself. Nothing I have read here over the last few months suggests that you are anything other than a wonderful loving mother. As for the looming miracle of speech, you really shouldn’t worry – on the contrary, you’ll find that it only increases the sense of complicity you and the tadpole feel, because you’ll be able to share so much more.

By: Ruth

Ruth — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 19:50:50 +0000

I think most honest parents would admit that small children, especially before they can really talk with you, can be extremely boring. That minute-to-minute, all-the-time care – come on – admit it! One reason for having a second child is often in part, to provide companionship for the first.
Incidentally, one child I know who was parked in front of GMTV every morning while he ate breakfast with his father (this was the ’80s), grew up to be a polymath. I disapproved at the time, but that was before I became a mother myself…

By: Bob Barton

Bob Barton — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 15:49:50 +0000

The world’s a stage?

We all play a part that changes as the cast of characters around us change. Ultimately, your daughter will recognize the love that you have for her because that isn’t an act. The caretaker, the grandmother, they all get to take a break from their role. You will always be her mom. You’ll be typecast for life. :-)

By: kjr

kjr — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 13:43:00 +0000

Brilliant petite! Yet again you have put into perfect words thoughts that have been niggling at me for long enough.

Only this week I was thinking ‘Thank goodness I am not being secretly filmed as I say ‘hang on a minute’ to daughter while I finish what I am doing and she rampages/desperately tries to get my attention/etc.’

I often have a flashback to my au-pair days when the frog comes home: Phew! I am actually doing something with daughter. If he had come home 10 minutes ago he would have seen me lying on the sofa watching Richard & Judy while daughter played with a light switch.

By: vitriolica

vitriolica — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 13:30:17 +0000

we ARE the same person!

how do you do this?

in the end, I sincerely believe that they will turn out fine in the end as long as they are loved loved loved (as long as one doesn’t show one’s love by ignoring/beating/laughing at them!)… we can’t be what we are not and I will not believe that there exist mothers who are for 24hrs a day how we are when we are showing off our great parenting skills for a few minutes. They are lying if they say they are…. ooh, I’d better go, my children are just about to burn the house down/electrocute themselves/stab each other with sharp kitchen knives (delete as required) while I neglect them whilst I galavant about on the computer.

By: witho

witho — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 13:24:46 +0000

Ria has made a powerful and thought-provoking point, and one close to my heart.

There aren’t many people whose work roles, in the grand scheme of things, are truly indispensable

Life is about balance

By: petite

petite — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 13:16:55 +0000

I’d love to downshift Ã la JonnyB. Specifically to somewhere outside Lyon. I could afford to work less (and blog more), we could live somewhere nicer…

But Frog claims not to be ready for that.

We’ll see. I can be very persuasive.

Tadpole already knows the word ‘office’. And the phrase ‘Daddy gone office’. It’s only a matter of time before she utters the immortal words ‘mummy lives at home, and daddy lives at the office’…